Mother Hen Faces Christmas

SHRI-E-E-E-E-E-K!!!!!!

Mother Hen has just realized that there are 10 more days until the big jolly fat guy gets stuck trying to get in the coop door! (No, she does not mean Father Rooster – she can hear you snickering out there people!)

Next to Easter, this is the busiest time of the year for the BUDS (Bunnies United Delivery Service) and boy, do they get cranky about now! If you have never tried to ship a package with a disgruntled rabbit, folks, it can get pretty ugly. Most of the farm animals keep a few carrots around for tipping, but everyone knows bunnies prefer chocolate.

Mother Hen has made her list and is checking it twice.

Father Rooster                                  Alarm Clock

Missy Hen                                          Feather Fluffer

Junior Rooster                                  Hungry, Hungry Hoggies game

Great-Aunt Henrietta                      Feather Duster

Farmer Brown                                  Bottle of Corn Liquor

Mrs. Farmer Brown                         Eau de Niblets Cologne

Santa Claws                                      Milk from Mrs. Bossie and popcorn

 

For those of you who are asking the burning question, “What do chickens put out for Santa instead of stockings?” Mother Hen has a simple answer. Rubber boots, of course! What do you think we wear when the farmyard gets mucky? (And believe MH, after the cow and the horse and the pig family have been out there, a chicken could use a pair of hip-waders, if you know what Mother means!)

If Mother Hen doesn’t get time to peck the keyboard again during this holiday season, which seems likely, she would like to wish all her loyal chicks, people and other assorted animal readers a blessed and merry Christmas, and all the best for the coming year!

Mother Hen Puts Christmas In Its Place

Dear Chicks,

Mother Hen loves Christmas – in December!

She does not approve of Christmas beginning on the 1^st of November.

In the spirit of the season (which happens to be fall, darn it!), Mother H. has the following demands suggestions:

Let’s all wait until every last leaf is on the ground before using the four-letter “s” word , the one for that fluffy white stuff that comes all too soon as it is.

No Santa Claus commercials until after the Santa Claus parades are over.

Anyone who turns on their Christmas lights before November 15 has volunteered to have their front yard covered with rotting, smashed Jack O’Lanterns.

No Christmas muzak before…oh, heck, let’s make it until chickens have lips!

Anyone who says “Merry Christmas” in the next three weeks will be should have must not…just don’t do it, okay? Mother Hen may have a conniption, and believe her, that ain’t pretty!

Let’s all rip out every Christmas advertisement from all our magazines (including Mother Hen’s favorite, Chicken Scratches, The Magazine for Superior Hens) and send them back to where they came from! That is unless they have scrumptious recipes for grub omelets, in which case just cut them out and turn down the holiday side.

Christmas shopping should be banned postponed restricted to…oh, dang it, any shopping is good shopping, right?

Now that we have the ground rules established, chickies, Mother Hen expects all of you to behave accordingly. After all, we must have standards, people!

Determinedly yours,

Mother Hen

The 12 Canadian Days of Christmas

(Inspired by Ms. Fracas’s …ahem…complimentary blog about Canadians. 

 http://fracas.wordpress.com/2010/12/08/christmas-2010-cartoon-o-rama-8/  )

1. On the 1st day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, a blog by a very silly goose.*
2. On the 2nd day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, two strong men
3. On the 3rd day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, three French foods
4. On the 4th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world,  four Great Lakes
5. On the 5^th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, five thrilling sports
6. On the 6th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, six Canadian Idols
7. On the 7th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, seven artists painting
8. On the 8th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, eight hockey legends
9. On the 9th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, nine ladies singing
10. On the 10th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, ten male musicians
11. On the 11th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, eleven cool inventions
12. On the 12th day of Christmas, Canadians gave the world, twelve funny people

 

1. fracas*
2. Terry Fox & Rick Hanson
3. Poutine,  pea soup, tourtiere
4. Lake Erie, Lake Huron, Lake Ontario, Lake Superior (Yes, Mother Hen knows that there are five. Let the USA claim Lake Michigan! We don’t need it anyway!)
5. Ice hockey, lacrosse, basketball, broomball, Canadian football
6. Canadian Idols: 2003 Ryan Malcolm, 2004 Kalan Porter, 2005 Melissa O’Neil, 2006 Eva Avila, 2007 Brian Melo, 2008 Theo Tams (So what if you have never heard of them? Apparently we liked them!)
7. The Group of Seven: Frank Carmichael, Lawren Harris, A.Y. Jackson, Franz Johnston, Arthur Lismer, J. E. H. MacDonald, Frederick Varley
8. Sidney Crosby,  Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, Bobby Hull,  Mario Lemieux, Bobby Orr, Maurice Richard, Patrick Roy
9.  Jann Arden , Celine Dion, Nelly Furtado, k.d. lang, Sarah McLachlan, Joni Mitchell, Alanis Morissette,  Anne Murray, Shania Twain
10. Bryan Adams,  Justin Bieber, Michael Buble, George Canyon,  Leonard Cohen, David Foster, Jeff Healey,  K’naan,  Gordon Lightfoot, Neil Young
11. Canadarm, electric wheelchair, goalie masks, hydrofoil, insulin (as a medical treatment), Jolly Jumper, paint roller, peanut butter, snow blower (naturally), snowmobile, telephone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_inventions
12. Dan Ackroyd,  Will Arnett,  John Candy, Jim Carrey, Eugene Levy, Howie Mandel,  Mike Myers,  Leslie Nielsen, Catherine O’Hara,  Russell Peters,  Seth Rogan, Martin Short and many more

Mother Hen’s Holiday Newsletter: Final Draft

 

To compare to the Original draft of the Coop Family Newsletter (which you absolutely must do), see Mother Hen’s Holiday Newsletter: First Draft.

Delivered more or less, almost, kind of on time as promised!     Mother Hen