Wedding Bell Blues

blue bride and groom

Dear

Mother Hen,

Three years ago I went through a horrible divorce when my husband of almost twenty-five years left me for another woman.  I was devastated beyond words! I had no idea at the time that he was cheating on me with this woman from work, though of course looking back I suppose there were signs. I was still very much in love with him, and our three children went through so much, just because this tramp wouldn’t keep her hands off of a married man!

Our oldest son will be married in two months time, and I don’t know how I am going to get through the day. My ex is now married to his mistress, and I am still alone. I have to admit I still have feelings for him, plus of course I am furious with her. My daughter-in-law-to-be thinks that we should act like one big happy family, so she will expect me to be in photos with the two of them. At one point she even said something about how she will have two mothers-in-law! My son won’t say anything to her in my defense, because he doesn’t want to upset her, although apparently whether I’m upset doesn’t matter.

How am I going to survive this impossible situation?

Woman Left Behind

Dear Woman Left Behind,

I understand that this is difficult for you, since you are still recovering from your marriage breakdown, and facing your former husband and his new wife would be painful under any circumstances.

I don’t want to play the who-is-more-miserable game, honestly, but I want you to think about my story to see if it gives you a little bit of perspective

When my son became engaged to a lovely girl, I was so pleased for them, but I dreaded the thought of  seeing my ex, his fiance, and my former in-laws at the wedding.  Even though I had remarried happily,  I have continued to feel very uncomfortable in my ex’s presence, and I had not yet met his intended.

Several months before their wedding date, my son became dreadfully ill. Although he had cystic fibrosis, he had been in very good health until that point, and we had every reason to expect that he would be with us for many years to come.  After only a few months in hospital, it became clear that antibiotics couldn’t deal with the infection that took over his body, and  we had to say good-bye.

At the funeral, I saw all my former relatives, under the worst possible circumstances. I remember thinking, here I had been dreading a wedding, and we were burying my 21-year-old instead. As you can imagine, I would have done anything to have had that wedding to go to, rather than face all those people at a funeral home.

I do not want to trivialize what you are going through. I had remarried a wonderful man, and I did not give a rat’s tushie that my ex was with someone else, so that was not an issue for me. I just want to remind you that you are celebrating the future and a new life for your child, so even though you are hurting, it is a happy time, nonetheless. Try to hold your head high, and remember, you are the mother, you have raised your child to be a wonderful adult, and you outrank your ex and his new woman in every way that counts, because you have been a class act all along!

Best wishes to the happy couple, and to you, on their wedding day!

Mother Hen

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4 responses to this post.

  1. It’s so hard to be a grown up sometimes, isn’t it? It really really is. Great advice, MH.

    Reply

  2. Dear Ms. Zohrback,
    Oh, Mother Hen does so like to be appreciated!
    This is an older blog, in a different format, back when MH was sure that her calling was to be an advice columnist. Not that she can’t do that too, and may again on occasion, but there was so little scope for a chicken with a scathing wit. One couldn’t very well make fun of people who came to one for advice, now could one?
    Mother Hen was aided greatly in those days by her dear friend, Jodi Edwards Wright, who could obviously type more quickly with ten fingers than MH can with one beak, and it is her experiences that are referred to here.
    Wisely yours,
    Mother Hen

    Reply

  3. Your advice is amazing! YOU are a class act!! 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you!
      Since this post was written, my daughter has become engaged. Her wedding is in the fall, and her father, who has remarried, will be walking her down the aisle.
      So, as you can imagine, it is a good time for me to revisit this post, and I appreciate that you brought to my attention again. It has reminded me of why I should enjoy her day and not allow other issues to overshadow her happiness.
      The bride and groom have to decided to ask for donations to fight cystic fibrosis in stead of wedding gifts. I am so proud of them!

      Reply

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