The BP Oil Spill Solved by Mother Hen

Once upon a time, when Mother Hen was young, and the world was not quite as old as it is today, there was a man named Marvin Gaye who wrote a song called Mercy, Mercy Me. Things, he noted, ain’t how they used to be, and indeed, he was right in principle (though, it pains Mother Hen to admit, incorrect in his grammar). Mr. Gaye also sang about “oil wasted upon our ocean and our seas,” many years before the Exxon Valdez leaked oil all over the Alaskan coastline, and decades before the humungous disaster that British Petroleum (called BP by the masses) has foisted on the Gulf of Mexico and the gulf states. A very forward thinking man, was Mr. Gaye.

Here again we see the wisdom of that ancient maxim, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” Mother Hen is partial to ancient maxims, old sayings, and even the occasional old wives’ tale, seeing as how she is an old wife herself, because they have a nasty habit of being true. Now there is a huge kafuffle over whether or not BP lied about their capacity to halt the oil spewing from their well, and about just how much spewage was taking place. (Yes, Mother Hen knows that there is no such word as “spewage,” but there should be.)

Let us be clear. Of course they lied, my silly little moppets! They are a big corporation potentially facing unprecedented lawsuits, incredible fines, and even criminal charges. Why would they even consider admitting the extent of their culpability and ineptitude? How droll and completely naive that anyone would think otherwise!

Then Mr. President Obama, who according to Harvard and his wife is an incredibly intelligent man, tells the world that he, not the British Petroleum company, is ultimately responsible for ensuring that this undersea oil well stops its spewing and that the spewage is contained! Pardon Mother Hen as she giggles into her hankie – there, done.

 How in heaven’s name is a gentleman with no background knowledge in the matter going to plug up a pipe in the bottom of the ocean? More humorous yet, why on earth would he accept the blame for a disaster which was in no way his fault, while the careless bozos responsible happily hand him the buck that he blithely promises to stop right there?

I have a suggestion, Mr. President Obama, sir. Get on that top secret cell phone of yours and put in an urgent call to the folks at Proctor & Gamble, the company most experienced in leakage protection. Yes, we are speaking of the preeminent experts in absorbency, the makers of Tampex tampons. Let’s see just how confident they are in their product now! (Mother Hen being a close personal friend of Mother Nature’s, issues a challenge on her behalf. )

Indeed, things are not at all what they used to be, on the coastline of the gulf states and the depths of the Gulf of Mexico. In the boardrooms of British Petroleum, however, the old boy’s club unfortunately, is operating about the same.

3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by mary little on June 2, 2010 at 3:23 am

    that is so true my friend for sure!!!
    the lady mary


  2. A giant tampon…. that’s brilliant! I may have to ‘leak’ this one; hope you can ‘absorb’ all the compliments that will surely come your way. 😉


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