Mother Hen Discovers America (Doesn’t Have Talent)!

Mother Hen was spending a relaxing evening with her claws up, watching the America’s Got Talent semi-finals with Father Rooster, when a thunderbolt came crashing through the roof of the coop…well, not really, but a startling idea occured to her.

Apparently, America doesn’t have talent!

Now settle your feathers down, Mother Hen does not mean that all the acts on the show lack ability (although the elderly stripper/ magician/comedian was lacking in talent, he was at least amusing in a pathetic sort-of-way). This is not about the contestants. Oh no, this is about the judges!

If America is over-flowing with talented individuals, Mother Hen would like to ask why on earth none of the judges are American!

The newest recruit, famously OCD comedian Mr. Mandel, is Canadian. The lovely but foul-mouthed Mrs. Osbourne, is British.  The dapper and nasty Mr. Piers Morgan was born in England, though apparently for reasons of cultural pride identifies himself as Irish.  No matter, Mother Hen is not inclined to split feathers either way.  The point is, all of the judges on America’s Got Talent hail from somewhere other than America.

Mother Hen being a Canadian bird herself, has nothing against people with Green Cards earning a living in the US of A.  Au contraire, my little chickies! She says if God hadn’t wanted foreigners to work in the US, Columbus would have gone down with his ships in 1492, and Native Americans would be running the place (which wouldn’t have been bad at all, since they didn’t eat chickens until the Europeans turned them into barbarians!). If some rich American ( or Brit) wants to hand over lots of green and all the corn she can eat, Mother Hen would fly the coop and head south for the winter pronto!

No, Mother is simply cackling at the irony of it all, since she absolutely adores irony! Don’t we all?

By the way, Mr. Cowell, if you are reading this — and why not, the man knows a winner when he sees one — and you ever have an opening for a typing chicken on your show, Mother Hen is your gal!

4 responses to this post.

  1. Mr. Cowell has long been a fraccy favorite. He does seem to know what he’s talking about, so I don’t think it would be counting your chickens before your eggs hatch to perhaps be packed and ready to go as soon as his call comes. Perhaps remind him that this Canadian Goose has stuck her beak out on his behalf and perhaps he’d like to be ‘goosed’ as well as hen-pecked.


    Seriously. How could anyone read such exchanges and not think they simply need both of us?


  2. Dear fracas,
    Mother Hen agrees that Mr. Cowell is usually accurate in his assessment of human talent, although she wishes that like Mother, he had attended charm school. That being said (or rather, typed) one would hope that his judgement concerning Genus gallas would be equally astute.
    Perhaps a combined act, with both goose and chicken typists would attract more attention? I suggest the marquee should read “Mother Goose & Fracas, Fowl Extraordinaire!” I realize that capitalizing your name is presumptuous of me, but it is a marquee, after all.
    Yours in Show Business,
    Mother Hen


  3. My dear Ms. Fracas,
    How positively…normal of you! If Mother Hen didn’t know better, she might suspect that you were human!
    Totally Chicken,
    Mother Hen


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