Sports and the Male Animal

Mother Hen has often pondered the peculiar relationship males have with sports.

It almost makes sense that jocks of either gender getting all worked up about whether a large/small ball/puck makes it over the line/into the goal/basket. After all, despite the fact that the fate of the world doesn’t actually depend on the outcome of the game, at least these folks who play the field (so to speak) have exhibited a certain dedication to their sport. It’s the armchair athletes, the otherwise sedentary Joes, who puzzle Mother H. the most.

Why is every male, from the time he can wear a logo on his onesie, expected to swear undying loyalty to “his” team?  Why are team affiliations passed down from father to son like sacred heirlooms? What is with the yelling, swearing, and yes, screaming, at poor innocent TV screens that haven’t hurt a thing?

Never think this shocking behavior is limited to the human race. No, no, much as it pains MH to admit the fact, roosters young and old have been known to get their tailfeathers in a frazzle over a game of clawbowl, or a friendly cockfighting match. Even the youngest, scrawniest specimen in the coop will puff up his chest and peep wildly when the Rhode Island Reds play the California Grays at the Popcorn Bowl.

Fortunately, Father Rooster is a dignified type, without any predilection for hollering at helpless electronics. No, Father prefers to preserve his voice for the job, like a sensible rooster. Mother Hen couldn’t approve more.

No, it is Junior Rooster who is caught the sports, which is almost as bad as catching the politics, (see Politics and Chicken Pox) but with less voting. The youngest member of the Coop family has suddenly gone all macho over the latest craze, something called “cockey” which is like hockey except without the ice, skates, sticks, or pucks…or so Junior says.  It doesn’t make sense to MH either. Honestly, dear reader, who thinks up these things?

Whatever it is, Junior is rippy-tail snorting around the coop  with a helmet on, “checking” all of us and peeping “He scores!” constantly, which is unbelievably annoying. Missy Hen is perching in the rafters squawking “Mama, make him stop!” and Father Hen is inexplicably absent.

If anyone out there has a cure for the sports, please let Mother Hen know yesterday. Her shins are getting awfully sore.

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12 responses to this post.

  1. Ok, the “rippy-tail snorting” is indeed annoying, and not limited to creatures with tails.

    Himself is prone to shouting. Which, when I’m working with stuff on my lap, results in said stuff getting flung hither and yon when I startle at the point where Himself, who had been sitting quietly only seconds before, screams “GO! GO! GO!”

    I’m going to implement a strict “sports with sedatives” rule soon.

    Reply

  2. Dear Ms. Lori,
    Mother Hen concurs that a tail is not technically necessary for rippy-tail snorting. A tail end will do.
    Mr. Himself and all other males given to sudden outbursts should come factory outfitted with warning lights to alert unsuspecting bystanders of impending eruptions. You can just imagine the result when one is startled while setting on a nest full of eggs! Messy business!
    Mother Hen is hoping a vaccine against the sports is discovered soon. Junior Rooster will be the first in line.
    Unsportingly yours,
    Mother Hen

    Reply

  3. Fracas has been quite fortunate not to have ever really caught ‘the sports’. It’s rather unfortunate though, that even when one hasn’t caught the sports, that one suffers when other members of the coop catch the sports. A vaccine would be most welcome because then perhaps they could use what they’ve learned in developing a vaccine for the sports… to develop a vaccine for ‘the reality show star’. I fear for the safety of us all now that we know the Paula Abdul has developed a new strain and whether or not she realizes it, has somehow infected Carrie Ann Inaba.

    It’s all very frightening and fracas is considering never leaving the marsh again.

    Reply

  4. All that fear aside though…. Junior is rather cute!

    Reply

  5. Dear Ms. Fracas,
    Mother Hen is grateful never to have caught the sports because it causes such disturbing behavior (not unlike the politics)!
    As for the reality star disease, let’s all pray that Kate Gosselin is not contagious — that would be truly frightening!
    Mother H. thinks Junior is adorable, but then she might be a tad biased.
    Fearlessly yours,
    Mother Hen

    Reply

  6. Loving your post!

    Showing some love from the SITS girls 🙂

    Reply

  7. hmmmm… i don’t know a cure for the sports. i am occasionally afflicted with it as well but i only during hockey season up here in canada.

    love the blog!

    Reply

    • Welcome to the coop Ms. Sarah!
      Always room for more chicks, especially those who show exquiste taste.
      Mother Hen is a proud Canadian also! She lives at Farmer Brown’s Coop, Somewhere, Ontario.
      She modestly accepts your well-deserved praise, and hopes you will stay tuned for more on the coop family.
      Northernly yours,
      Mother Hen

      Reply

  8. How are you? I was lucky to discover your blog in google.
    Your post is exceptional.
    I obtain a lot in your website. Really thank you very much.
    BTW the theme of you site is really marvelous.

    Reply

  9. Thank you most sincerely!
    Mother Hen

    Reply

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