Mother Hen admits it. She is a lifelong addict.
There is no rehabilitation coop for this addiction. No Chicken Cops are about to pound on the door to cart MH away in a cow-paddy wagon. She does not have tracks on her wings from mainlining her substance of choice – yet. As far as anyone can tell, Mother H. is just like all the other respectable hens on the farm.
Mother Hen is a coke addict (although she prefers to think of herself as a cokaholic). A cokaholic is one step less proper than being a coffee addict, but a couple of shades more acceptable than smoking – as long as it’s tobacco.
Despite the appearance of tolerance, though, Mother Hen finds that she is regularly invited to pack her bags and go on a guilt trip. Nobody criticizes a coffee drinker for having a cup of joe before noon, but try taking a sip of cola before lunchtime and watch the feathers fly!
Since Mother H. got a bit…fluffy, she has converted to diet pop. It’s not exactly a nicotine patch, but hey, this is a genuine effort to minimize the damage wrought by imbibing liquid sugar for decades, okay? You would think that others would be supportive!
Not a chance! MH was perched with a can of her favorite beverage one day, waiting for lunch and bothering no one, when an acquaintance stopped by just long enough to chirp, “You know that stuff is rat poison!” Well, hello to you too!
Mother Hen is not proud of her unhealthy compulsion, but good grief! She doesn’t hop by another hen’s table, take a look at her refried corn and say, “You know that stuff is going to kill you one of these days!” If she wants to clog up her arteries and die of a stroke, that’s her privilege, is it not? Let the poor old cluck eat her life-threatening food in peace! Have some manners!
The way things are going, restaurants will soon have a section for the delinquent soda drinkers, with a straw depository on the wall and signs reminding us not to share straws!
Mother Hen doesn’t drink…much. She doesn’t look at photos of naked roosters on the internet, or sniff claw polish remover behind closed doors. No, MH has just this one weakness – only one teensy-weensy little addiction – to blemish her otherwise outstanding reputation.
Please, have some pity on a cokaholic today, and let her soak up her little guilty pleasure in peace. After all, Mother Hen knows all about the naughty things you do when you think no one’s looking, you scamp you!