Mother Hen and Other Angry Birds

 Is Mother Hen an Angry Bird, or is she merely an angry bird?

For the other five of you who, like MH until recently, do not know about Angry Birds, Mother H. is quite happy to fill you in, because it makes her feel all superior. (Honesty is one of  Mother Hen’s many outstanding characteristics, if she must say so herself.)

Angry Birds is an app, as in application, as in “I have an iPhone and you don’t. So there!”

Better yet it is a game app, the most popular one around, so now that Mother Hen has it, she is totally cool. Uh huh. At least until next week, so she’s milking it for all it’s worth.

Here’s the thing. The object is to catapult various birdlike creatures at these green pigs and make the piggies explode, which would be great except for the part where the birds blow up too.

There is a cute little blue bird that turns into three little blue birds when you touch her in mid-air. How does she do that? Three Mother Hens would get the coop cleaned in no time!

Then there is a bigger yellow bird who gets faster and stronger when you touch him,  a medium red bird that doesn’t do anything exciting and a bomb-shaped black bird that explodes when you touch him or when he lands, whichever happens first.

A big white bird drops egg-bombs from the sky that obliterate things, or at least they do if you hit them dead on. I’m sure the nice app people are fixing that tiny detail, because it would be so amazing if an egg-bomb could totally wipe-out those sick-looking pigs without the trouble of having to be so freaking accurate. If you were playing with a beak instead of with fingers, you would completely understand the principle here.

There might be more birds up ahead, like kilt-wearing birds or purple paintball birds or pooping birds (which would be totally awesome, wouldn’t it?), but if there is please don’t tell Mother H. because that would be such a spoiler.

You are all such lovely, devoted readers, so she is sure that you would never do such a thing, but just in case, remember, Mother Hen has connections to some real-life angry birds who could cover your cars with caca faster than you can let your dogs out. She’s just sayin’.

The question keeping MH up at nights is this: are those white, egg-laying birds chickens?

You’ve been wondering the same thing, haven’t you?

The blue birds look a lot like bluebirds, and the bomb birds look like crows, the red birds look like robins and the yellow birds looks like…maybe big canaries?

You do see the conundrum, right? If the Angry Birds are mutant critters out of some drug-addled programmer’s brain, then hey, bombs away!

If however, Angry Birds are meant to be honest-to-goodness real lifelike birdies going splat on impact, well then this is a moral outrage! Call PETA, start Facebook petitions, and inform Bob Barker, for heaven’s sake!

Next thing you know, there will be an app where we all club seals, and then they’ll be killing people in these things too! You wait and see. You guys are next!

The house cats have been telling Mother Hen that she should be flattered that the most famous app in the whole entire world features chickens, but then MH has always had a sneaking suspicion that they don’t really like birds very much anyway. Both cats reassure Mother that they love birds, but the way that they lick their chops when they say that makes her nervous.

What do you think, dear chicks? Should Mother Hen be an angry bird, or should she be an Angry Bird? Anyone?


2 responses to this post.

  1. I don’t Mother Hen…but I give sincere thanks in explaining (finally) what the hell “Angry Birds” is. I’m not a very cool girl…so I don’t know have an iPhone.

    I know you’re a bird and all…but shouldn’t we be just as upset that the lil piggies are being blown up?


  2. Dear Ms. Evie,
    The green piggies are B-A-D piggies, as they have stolen the Angry Birds’ eggs.
    Also Mother Hen has never seen green pigs, so she feels no need to champion them.
    After all, one must uphold one’s species on principle, mustn’t one?
    Subjectively yours,
    Mother Hen


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