Mother Hen Presents…HANNA

Mother Hen Presents…is a new occasional series in which Mother Hen reviews stuff that she may or may not have seen, heard or read.

Hanna is a movie.

Hanna is a movie about a girl named Hanna. Duh.

Hanna is one tough chick who was hatched as part of one of those government DNA experiment things that you always just knew were happening somewhere all over the place, but until now you had no proof. Aha!

Miss Hanna was raised out in the forest where it is super cold so they kill Santa’s reindeer for something to eat, but then they run away before Santa can catch them, but they make it seem like it is all about the CIA or FBI or CNN or ABC or some other TV network. This man she calls Papa keeps trying to kill her, and that’s how you know that he loves her, you see, because he wants to make sure that nobody else kills her first.

The studio says that it is a “thriller” but Mother Hen is letting you know the real inside poop: it’s a documentary. Uh-huh. You heard it first here at the nest!

Oh sure, Cate Blanchett is in it, or so they say, but that woman barely looks like Ms. Blanchett so she could be any old real spy lady chasing Hanna all over Fairy Tale Land or Mother Goose Town or wherever the heck that Mr. Grim in the middle of the story lives.

See, that’s how you know it must be real, because who makes stuff like that up?

Just so you know, before you go and get all grossed out, Hanna kills people. A lot. When Hanna isn’t killing people, there is always lots of killing going on anyway, because that is what almost everyone does for a hobby when they aren’t hatching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Hanna keeps getting new clothes from nowhere in particular, but Mother Hen figures that she must have a product placement deal, except for the one outfit that she steals, but that’s okay kiddies, because you are allowed to steal when a bunch of goonie gorillas are out to nail your unclothed posterior.

Mother Hen isn’t going to give away the ending. That is what they call a spoiler, and MH would never do that to her loyal chicks who check in at the coop every week (or whenever Mother gets around to posting.) No, let it simply be said that with all this bad caca flying around and more dead  bodies than fleas on a barn cat, what odds would you give on there being a happy ending? Or a sequel?

Not that Mother Hen gambles or anything.

(This has been a Mother Hen Presents…presentation.)


7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by The T on May 7, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Jodi, I saw Hanna on the opening weekend with a large group of people. The majority of us enjoyed it…it had an interesting concept that this little girl ad the capability of such destructive tendencies that she could do all of these amazing things due to her government origin. It is a bit strange why her dad would go to such lengths to protect her knowing her true origins and to give up his life so completely without taking care of the issue at hand istead of plotting for 16-18 years to have this girl do it. Seems to me, a man like that has some gusto that could have been able to do a better job that didn’t lead him to the middle of nowhere for a decade and a half freezing to death… other than that…the running scenes were a bit too much…that girl can run..but jeez… I’d like to see a follow up with this girl and a character development since the story is close enough to any James Bond or Jason Bourne that she could have a use in the future…

    Just an idea…



    • Dear Mr. T.,
      Weren’t you on a TV show back in the 80s?
      Mother Hen says her dear friend Ms. Jodi can answer this one, since you insist, but her beak is out of joint!

      Overall HANNA is a good example of the action/thriller genre. Certainly the audience’s attention is held throughout the film because there is plenty of suspense and the plot was reasonably unpredictable. A fair amount of the “willing suspension of disbelief” is required — though argueably that may be true of most thrillers and so goes with the territory.
      The allusions to Grimm’s Fairy Tales were a tad obvious in places, but it still gave the piece more depth.
      As for the father’s motivation, her “dad” loved her, possibly because she was the child of the woman he loved, so that accounts for his efforts to protect her. It may also be that he believed in the merits of the project that created her.
      A sequel would seem to be all but a certainty. Hanna’s future is completely unknown, so the scope for further plot development is endless. The young lead actress, Saoirse Ronan, is marvelous. She shouldn’t be lacking work any time soon.

      Mother Hen says she liked the original review better, but people are always predjudiced against chickens. She is going to sulk now.


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  3. “I pity da fool…”

    Mr. T.


  4. This sounds pretty awesome. I think there’s an x-files episode about this. I would totally go see it if it had zombies- does it have zombies? Crap, I already used up my one grown-up movie for the year. Stupid King’s Speech.


  5. Dear Ms.ASM,
    Zombies? Oh my! No, Mother Hen does not watch movies containing zombies, at least not on purpose.
    If it helps any, there are people in HANNA who would make very good zombies, given half a chance. Actually, they would be excellent zombies, now that she comes to think of it.
    We shall have to write Mr. Wright the director and suggest it, perhaps for HANNA 3 in 3D. By then MH will have lost interest anyway, and you can have your zombies. Deal?
    Compromisingly yours,
    Mother Hen


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