Mother Hen Presents…is a new occasional series in which Mother Hen reviews stuff that she may or may not have seen, heard or read.
Hanna is a movie about a girl named Hanna. Duh.
Hanna is one tough chick who was hatched as part of one of those government DNA experiment things that you always just knew were happening somewhere all over the place, but until now you had no proof. Aha!
Miss Hanna was raised out in the forest where it is super cold so they kill Santa’s reindeer for something to eat, but then they run away before Santa can catch them, but they make it seem like it is all about the CIA or FBI or CNN or ABC or some other TV network. This man she calls Papa keeps trying to kill her, and that’s how you know that he loves her, you see, because he wants to make sure that nobody else kills her first.
The studio says that it is a “thriller” but Mother Hen is letting you know the real inside poop: it’s a documentary. Uh-huh. You heard it first here at the nest!
Oh sure, Cate Blanchett is in it, or so they say, but that woman barely looks like Ms. Blanchett so she could be any old real spy lady chasing Hanna all over Fairy Tale Land or Mother Goose Town or wherever the heck that Mr. Grim in the middle of the story lives.
See, that’s how you know it must be real, because who makes stuff like that up?
Just so you know, before you go and get all grossed out, Hanna kills people. A lot. When Hanna isn’t killing people, there is always lots of killing going on anyway, because that is what almost everyone does for a hobby when they aren’t hatching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Hanna keeps getting new clothes from nowhere in particular, but Mother Hen figures that she must have a product placement deal, except for the one outfit that she steals, but that’s okay kiddies, because you are allowed to steal when a bunch of goonie gorillas are out to nail your unclothed posterior.
Mother Hen isn’t going to give away the ending. That is what they call a spoiler, and MH would never do that to her loyal chicks who check in at the coop every week (or whenever Mother gets around to posting.) No, let it simply be said that with all this bad caca flying around and more dead bodies than fleas on a barn cat, what odds would you give on there being a happy ending? Or a sequel?
Not that Mother Hen gambles or anything.
(This has been a Mother Hen Presents…presentation.)