Mother Hen has always maintained that the only intelligent way for a chicken to cross the road is in a truck, as God intended. Therefore when Farmer Brown decided to take Mother Hen to the Squawkalot County Fair, he did the sensible thing and did not ask her to walk. She traveled quite comfortably in a crate in the back of his pick-up, thank you very much.
All the other animals at the farm wanted to hear about what MH experienced, so she typed up the following notes.
Settled nicely into straw at the bottom of crate. Pick-up is much more bumpy than it looks. Almost lost breakfast.
Fair is NOISY! Machines everywhere, spinning and tumbling and twisting enough to make you dizzy. Some make grinding sounds, others whir and all of them scream! True — every last one shrieks like Mrs. Farmer Brown that time she saw harmless little garter snake.
So many people feet! Shoes that walked and garbage and gum and popcorn that MH could not reach, right in front of beak. Crate loaded onto metal platform with wheels, and went to Fair Barn. Little bit quieter here. Smells like farm.
Bad night with hens cackling in sleep and pig on left snores. Friendly sheep on rope said there are prizes for best animals. Mother Hen hopes best chicken gets a 60” flatscreen as she could use new TV. Corn is okay here but no cola for MH. Guess Farmer B doesn’t want her to belch at judges.
Wait for judges. Wait some more for judges. See judges at snoring pig’s pen so preen. Wrong judges. Snooze while waiting for judges. Wake up to see red ribbon on crate!!! Can’t wait to see prize.
Hay, it says Biggest Chicken, 1st Prize! Not prettiest, or fanciest or best typist but Biggest! Must mean fluffiest in people-speak.
Hog next door has white ribbon. Ha, bet red is better than white!
Still haven’t seen prize. Must be saving it for home time.
Back on rolling platform. Oh good, going for ride to see the sights!
No sights. No people. Still lots and lots of wrappers and sticky sticks and, hey, a cola can. Stop!
Dumb farmer doesn’t stop.
What! Back on the pickup? Where’s prize? Stupid farmer forgot MH’s prize!
Cough on dust. Eyes runny so closed. Straw stinks.
Back at farm all admire red ribbon. Mother Hen thinks will look nice on hat.
Think Farmer Brown stole 60″ TV. Take up with union.