Archive for the ‘Holiday’ Category

Mother Hen Brings in 2012!

Mother Hen wishes all of her chicks the happiest New Year in 2012!

Hope you all had a lovely New Year’s Eve watching the egg drop on New Year’s Clucking Eve with Ryan Seagull and Dick Bark! Apparently Lady BaBa was on in a scandalous outfit with almost no wool (as expected) and Justin Beaver thrilled all the little chicklets by touching their itty-bitty wings with his paw. What a young heartbreaker he is, and Canadian too! Ahh, if Mother Hen was still a wee chick…

MH is glad all the Coop Family are safe and warm in the coop, as the first serious snowstorm of the season has arrived. For those of you living in sunnier climes, this means that if you go outside without a heavy jacket on your will lose half your feathers and be covered in gooseflesh! Have you ever been in a walk-in freezer? Add a large fan throwing ice pellets at your beak, and you are starting to get the idea.

MH can just barely make out where the barn is when she looks out the coop window because of all the blowing snow. It is a good day to stay home, pop some corn, and have some hot chocolate or tea.

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Mother Hen Faces Christmas

SHRI-E-E-E-E-E-K!!!!!!

Mother Hen has just realized that there are 10 more days until the big jolly fat guy gets stuck trying to get in the coop door! (No, she does not mean Father Rooster – she can hear you snickering out there people!)

Next to Easter, this is the busiest time of the year for the BUDS (Bunnies United Delivery Service) and boy, do they get cranky about now! If you have never tried to ship a package with a disgruntled rabbit, folks, it can get pretty ugly. Most of the farm animals keep a few carrots around for tipping, but everyone knows bunnies prefer chocolate.

Mother Hen has made her list and is checking it twice.

Father Rooster                                  Alarm Clock

Missy Hen                                          Feather Fluffer

Junior Rooster                                  Hungry, Hungry Hoggies game

Great-Aunt Henrietta                      Feather Duster

Farmer Brown                                  Bottle of Corn Liquor

Mrs. Farmer Brown                         Eau de Niblets Cologne

Santa Claws                                      Milk from Mrs. Bossie and popcorn

 

For those of you who are asking the burning question, “What do chickens put out for Santa instead of stockings?” Mother Hen has a simple answer. Rubber boots, of course! What do you think we wear when the farmyard gets mucky? (And believe MH, after the cow and the horse and the pig family have been out there, a chicken could use a pair of hip-waders, if you know what Mother means!)

If Mother Hen doesn’t get time to peck the keyboard again during this holiday season, which seems likely, she would like to wish all her loyal chicks, people and other assorted animal readers a blessed and merry Christmas, and all the best for the coming year!

Rabbits and Chickens and Eggs, Oh My!

Thank goodness Mother Hen can sit and peck at the same time!

This is the busiest season of the year for chickens. MH has heard that some of you call it Lent, but she has never figured out what it is that folks are supposed to borrow. We call it Pushover – as in push out all the eggs you can sister, until your quota is met and Easter is over!

Mother Hen would like to address some mistaken ideas humans have about this whole Easter Bunny thing. You must understand that the Rabbit Union is the CAW of the animal word. Oh yes, they look fluffy and harmless, but just try to outsource egg delivery and see what happens to you. MH is not saying that rank-and-file rabbits are telling fibs – she values her life. Let’s simply say that the Bunnies United Delivery Service (BUDS) has one heck of a publicist.

Myth #1

Rabbits lay eggs.

Seriously? People, you have been watching way too many Cadbury commercials. Rabbits are mammals, you dummies! Good grief, they have fur – how many clues do you need? Yeesh!

Bunnies are the delivery system, not the production system. Why rabbits, you ask? Volume, baby, volume! When you’ve just got to get it there overnight…you need gazillion carriers. Add to that the reputation of rabbits for relatively speedy arrivals and the choice was clear.

Myth #2

Chickens don’t lay chocolate eggs.

As you all know, brown cows make chocolate milk, so guess what brown chickens lay? You betcha!

Brown chickens have special status in the poultry community. We all teach our chicks to stay at a respectful distance from their ladyships. Mother Hen has never been sure whether that was a matter of respect, or because chocolate-laying chickens tend to have mucky back feathers. Yuck!

Myth #3

Chocolate rabbits, chickens, Garfields and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc., all come from the same sources as chocolate eggs.

Ouch! That would be painful!

Have you ever wondered what Santa’s elves do for a living during their off season? Uh-huh. Not that you heard that here, mind you. Santa is big on internal security – which is what reindeer do when they aren’t flying all over the place, pooping on people. Those hooves aren’t only for decoration!

Myth # 4

People don’t buy regular eggs at Easter.

Hey, the Ukrainians alone up the demand by almost 20%! All those little egg-dying kits account for another 45% increase, and then we have to make up for bunny breakage rates, which amount to… wait a minute, BUDS Bunnies may be watching.  Scrap that – rabbits do not break eggs, not ever. They have special baskets lined with…um, bunny fur, that’s right, and they have a perfect delivery record. Quite remarkable really!

Now you understand why Mother Hen is working her butt feathers off trying to meet her production target on what would otherwise be a lovely spring morning!  If you could spare a passing thought for all the hard-working chickens of the world in the next few weeks, we would surely be grateful. After all, those eggs don’t lay themselves!