Mother Hen Manages the World Economy

Mother Hen has always advocated for good household management, especially when it comes to financial matters, which is why it is time for her to turn her attention to the world’s current economic woes. There are rules that govern the Coop Family’s budget that certain countries like Grease, Spam, Ironland , and even the good ol’ US of A could learn from.

Here we go!

Don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched.

Basically, if you ain’t got it yet, you ain’t got it. No guessing, no hoping, no borrowing the neighbors’ chicks to make it look good to Farmer Brown or anyone else. That’s how overpopulation happens, but that’s another kettle of fish. Sooner or later you have to give those chicks back, and then look how much feed it’s going to cost you!

 Always keep a nest egg, and add to it every week.

Oh, it’s always tempting to have company for dinner and show off your best bib and tucker, but if you eat all your feed in the fall, what is going to keep you through the winter? Just one visit from Mr. & Mrs. Hogg may provide you with a hop up that social ladder, but expensive! Always keep some aside, just in case.

Or in other words, if you want to keep the wolf from the door, you’d better not entertain pigs!

 Be careful when you feather your nest.

Dear ones, no one loves a comfy coop like Mother Hen! Let’s face it, feather pillows, feather quilts, feather boas…she adores them all.

The problem is that you still have to cover your butt, people. Nothing says poverty like a straggly-looking hen with gooseflesh hanging out. It gets mighty cold in the winter when your backside is bare!

Don’t be so busy struttin’ your stuff that you run out of stuffing to strut with!

  Do more than just scratch out a living.

If you are just bringing in enough to get by, you aren’t bringing in enough to get by! Find ways to haul in more, for heaven’s sake!  For instance, Father Rooster has a second job as the school alarm. Mother Hen thanks to her unique, specialized and remarkable abilities is a part-time writer, and that’s not just chickenfeed, folks. (Okay it is, but it shouldn’t be!)

All those You’reAPeein’ countries need to shake a tail feather and get their rears in gear! Even the Americans need to quite singing Yankee Doodle Dandee, stick a feather in their caps, and coop-erate, for heaven’s sake, before all their chickens come home to roost, since their rafters are full already!

 

This has been a public service announcement from Mother Hen’s Nest.

 

Mother Hen’s 2011 Christmas Letter ( First Draft)

It’s that time of year again folks.

Much as Mother Hen dreads the early onset of the festive season, she must come to terms with the not-so-convenient truth: if she is to have even a smidge of a chance of getting those cards out before December 24th, she has to begin the Coop Family Christmas letter now.

Sigh! So here we go:

Dear Hens, Roosters, Chicks and Chicklets,

Greetings and Salutations from the Coop Family!

Mother Hen is forced to must is pleased to share all of 2011’s disasters events blessings with all of you.

This summer Father Rooster finally repaired the coop roof. After years of months of crowing up there, he finally noticed that there was a pile of lot of few shingles that needed to be replaced. It was a good thing too since we were really close to having a deluge a flood some leaks in the corn bin, which would have been catastrophic disastrous a problem.

Missy Hen has made many questionable  interesting terrific new friends at Cornfield Junior High, where she is majoring in feather-fluffing egg-dying agricultural studies. Her new boyfriend, Peck, is a juvenile delinquent punk delightful young rooster who sports many curious tattoos is very creative.

Junior Rooster spent a great deal of time in detention competing on the chess team until he got kicked off. He is a hyperactive energetic young chick who drives us crazy keeps us busy keeps things lively around the coop! He recently received a most unexpected Good Egg Award from Chicken Little Memorial Elementary School which made us extremely surprised quite relieved very proud.

Naturally, Mother Hen has been kept busy laying eggs and writing her world-famous well known modestly successful blog. Mother Hen’s Nest. Her hobbies include knitting egg-cozies and attending hen sessions with “the girls.”

Remember to thank a chicken when you enjoy your eggnog this holiday season, and have a very Fluffy Christmas and a Crowingly Good New Year!

The Coop Family

There you have it! Mother Hen is so thrilled that she got that whole thing out of the way, she is going to have a celebratory cola and bag of popcorn now!

Junior Rooster Makes the Grade

Well, maybe the sky has fallen after all.

After nine weeks, three days of school and six hours, 12 minutes of detention this year, Junior Rooster has had a good day of school. That is five and a half straight hours of proper behavior, people! Let the celebrations begin!

The school even sent home (see Exhibit A, above) a certificate to mark this momentous occasion: a real, honest-to-goodness Chicken Little Memorial Elementary School official award! Junior Rooster wants to post it on the side of the corn bin for everyone to see, but Mother Hen may have to put it under her nest for safe-keeping so she can show her grandchickies someday. Otherwise they may not believe it.Dang, otherwise Mother Hen may not believe it!

When his beaming parents asked Junior what he would like for a treat in recognition of his achievement, he requested a family movie and popcorn night with the hit movie Vampire Chickens Strike Again. Normally MH would veto such an inappropriate choice…but what the heck…an occasion like this may never come again. Mother Hen will simply have to cover her beak with her wings when the vampire chickens attack.

Perhaps, just perhaps, maybe Junior is finally coming around. Maybe he is actually listening. Maybe it will rain caramel corn tomorrow. A mother can always hope, especially when that mother is Mother Hen.

Mother Hen Puts Christmas In Its Place

Dear Chicks,

Mother Hen loves Christmas – in December!

She does not approve of Christmas beginning on the 1st of November.

In the spirit of the season (which happens to be fall, darn it!), Mother H. has the following demands suggestions:

Let’s all wait until every last leaf is on the ground before using the four-letter “s” word , the one for that fluffy white stuff that comes all too soon as it is.

No Santa Claus commercials until after the Santa Claus parades are over.

Anyone who turns on their Christmas lights before November 15 has volunteered to have their front yard covered with rotting, smashed Jack O’Lanterns.

No Christmas muzak before…oh, heck, let’s make it until chickens have lips!

Anyone who says “Merry Christmas” in the next three weeks will be should have must not…just don’t do it, okay? Mother Hen may have a conniption, and believe her, that ain’t pretty!

Let’s all rip out every Christmas advertisement from all our magazines (including Mother Hen’s favorite, Chicken Scratches, The Magazine for Superior Hens) and send them back to where they came from! That is unless they have scrumptious recipes for grub omelets, in which case just cut them out and turn down the holiday side.

Christmas shopping should be banned postponed restricted to…oh, dang it, any shopping is good shopping, right?

Now that we have the ground rules established, chickies, Mother Hen expects all of you to behave accordingly. After all, we must have standards, people!

Determinedly yours,

Mother Hen

Cousin Lavinia’s Wedding

Mother Hen needed a few days to recover from the…ahem…excitement of Cousin Lavinia’s wedding reception before she could report back to her loyal readers, whom she is certain have been waiting breathlessly for her account of the festivities.

The bride wore white, which Mother Hen found very reassuring despite the fact that Lavinia and Harry’s three-week-old rooster, Ziggy, was the ringbearer.  In MH’s day, which becomes a progressively faint memory after one of these events, white meant something other than it complimented your feathers, if you know what Mother H. means, and she’s sure you do!

Anyway, Ziggy dropped the pillow with the rings about a half-dozen times (coordination does not run in Harry’s side of the family) and predictably Harry dropped the ring, but only twice. Mother Hen thought at the rate things were going it would become a winter wedding, but everyone made it through in the end.

A fall wedding means corn chowder and pumpkin pie for dinner, and Lavinia did not disappoint. Oh, and there were pumpkins everywhere! Pumpkins on the altar at the chapel, pumpkins holding open the doors, pumpkin-themed table decorations, and even pumpkin-shaped nametags which M H thought was a bit much. After all, everyone knows who Mother Hen is, and those sticky things tend to pull on the feathers.

Naturally Mother H. was up there grooving on the dance floor like it was 1999, and she showed those young folks how the chicken dance is really done! Father Rooster joined her for a rip-roaring polka, which of course had all the young’uns hollering for more. Still, dancing all night is best left to the chicklets, although if you ask Mother Hen, there was more than a little fermented corn syrup fueling the festivities as well!

Well, Mother’s claws and head are still a bit tender from whooping it up on Saturday, so she will bid all her good bloggy friends adieu. She wishes the new Mr. and Mrs. Harry Feathers all the best in their life together, and little Ziggy too!

 

Heading to a Wedding

Oooooh, Mother Hen loves weddings! After all, what’s not to like, there’s romance, drama, suspense, comedy — the whole kitandcaboodle all rolled into one!

What cute memory will the flowergirl make when she goes completely off script?

What will the fashions be for the bride, the bridesmaids, and all the female guests?

How about the four D’s: decorations, dinner, dessert and dancing? Mother Hen loves to dance! She can really cut a rug for a hen of her…station in life.

Who will imbibe a little too much corn syrup and make an interesting spectacle of his or her self?

Mother Hen will report back with complete coverage of second-cousin-once-removed Lavinia’s wedding on the next Mother Hen’s Nest. Stay tuned for all the details!

Mother Hen Presents…The Ides of March

Mother Hen Presents is an occasional series in which Mother Hen reviews stuff that she may or may not have seen, heard or read.

The most important thing that you need to know about this movie is that George Clooney is in it. The next most important thing is that Ryan Gosling is also in it.

Now for all you chicks out there MH probably need not type another word, but since there are roosters and other guys who visit the nest too, she might as well continue.

George Clooney wants to be President, so half the world says let him already. However, there are a lot of men in this film that he has to convince as well, so he needs Phillip Seymour Hoffman (no relation to Dustin) and Gosling to persuade the males that voting for George is like, totally cool.

Paul Giamatti tries to stop them, mostly because he is a jerk, but also because he works for the other guy who wants to be President. He is a bad egg. Mother Hen liked him better when he was John Adams.

So Clooney makes an oops, and it is a pretty big oops, and Gosling finds out and doesn’t like him anymore, which is pretty lousy of him since Ryan baby made a pretty big oopsy himself.

By this time everyone is about up to their necks in poop, so Marisa Tomei, who is a reporter, is having a lot of fun scooping it up for her paper, The New York Rhymes, or something like that. Once it is full of poop, who cares what it’s called? Not Mother Hen. She has plenty of caca at the coop to deal with, thank you very much.

By now, everyone is blackmailing almost everyone else and stabbing them in the back and heads will roll and all that, and that is the part that the men will like a lot. Politics is a dirty, dirty business, which is why MH stays clear of it as much as possible. She does not like getting her feathers mucky.

All Mother Hen cares about is whether George and Ryan live happily ever after, but she can’t tell you if they do because that is what they call a spoiler. Spoiled eggs are bad so that must be a bad thing too.

This has been a Mother Hen Presents presentation.