Posts Tagged ‘break-up’

True Love According to Mother Hen

Oh, romance! You experience the thrill of a first embrace, the sweet nothings in one’s ear, and then the divorce lawyer’s bill (and when your lawyer is a goose that makes for an especially big bill).

Mother Hen is a bit jaded, you think? Not in the least – Mother is a romantic from the top of her comb to the bottom of her claws! However, she does know the difference between infatuation and lasting love, my dears, and she will be ever so pleased to share it with you.

Infatuation is thumping hearts, sexual tension, and anxiety over whether you are loved.

True love makes sacrifices. If he doesn’t pitch in when it is time to muck out the coop, or never misses a cockfight to be with you, it isn’t love.

True love shows respect. If he crows out insulting names at you,  even as so-called jokes, it isn’t love. If you can’t respect him because stuff he does disappoints or disgusts you, it isn’t love.

True love shows trust. If he always needs to know how many eggs in your nest, or whose coop you were visiting, or how many times you emailed the egg collector, it isn’t love. If you keep worrying about whether some other chick is warming his nest tonight, it’s not love.

True love is appreciative. If you aren’t the presidents of each other’s fan club, it isn’t love.

True love puts the beloved first. If he hops when his momma says hop, you will never have first place in his heart. If Daddy’s opinion is still his little chick’s first consideration, she isn’t ready to love you unconditionally.

Let Mother Hen recap, please. If you have mutual unselfishness, respect, trust, and appreciation in a relationship, and demonstrate that you are willing to put each other first, odds are that you have a lasting love. If you are both sure that you are sure that you are sure that its love…well, Mother thinks you might be on to something!

Hormones and chemistry are all very well and good, but they won’t get you through Junior Rooster’s three day stomach flu, or the coop roof leaking, or any of the other hazards of everyday life. What if he loses all his feathers or she can’t lay eggs anymore? True love will see the two of you through difficult times, because love is about what is on the inside, not circumstances or looks or illness.

“Love,” as they used to say, ”is a many splendord thing.” Once you find the real article, you will never settle for a counterfeit again! If you are wondering whether you have found the one, stop – because you haven’t. Trust Mother Hen, when you find true, lasting love, you won’t have any doubt about it!

(This blog is dedicated to Father Rooster, who never leaves MH in any doubt that she is the luckiest chick in the world!)

Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover

  As a public service to women everywhere (Mother Hen likes to aim high), and on the off chance some guys out there will a) read this and b) care, here are fifty things NOT to do if you want to keep a woman around, beginning with the most obvious…

50. Leave the toilet seat up

49. and don’t flush

48. or wash your hands.

47. Fart in bed.

 46. Tell her she looks fat but

45. her best friend is hot.

 44. Flirt with other women

 43. get their phone numbers

42. then leave them in the pocket of your pants

 41. which you (for once), throw into the dirty clothes basket.

40. Leave your smelly clothes all over the floor

39. especially your dirty underwear

38. then ask why the laundry isn’t done yet.

37. Ask what in the world she does all day

36. when she is at home doing the previously-mentioned laundry

35. cooking your dinner

34. and raising YOUR kids.

33. Go out with the guys all the time.

32. but complain if she wants a night to herself

31. then call her cell every fifteen minutes or so to check up on her.

3o. Never, and this is important, offer to “help” around the house

29. but when you just can’t avoid it any longer, complain

28. and try to get brownie points.

 27. Neglect your personal hygiene.

 26. Watch every sport possible on TSN in every spare moment

25. or play video games all day

24. or look at porn constantly. She’ll really love that.

23. Chat with other women online

22. about sex

21. while you…well, you know. Mother Hen is too delicate a lady to go into details.

20. Put down her family

19. refuse to have anything to do with them

18. and do everything you can to keep her away from them, because after all, they are a bad influence

17. just like her friends.

16. Control every dime she spends

15. of her own money

14. or keep her from having any money in the first place, which is obviously simpler.

13. Call her a stupid

 12. bitch

11. or worse

10. when the kids can hear you.

 9. Drink a lot

 8. do drugs

7. gamble away all your money

6. and her money too.

5. Hit her, especially when she gets uppity,

6. in front of the kids.

 5. Bad mouth her children

4. threaten them

3. and abuse them.

 2. If all else fails, kick her sorry ass out the door, then beg for her to come back

1. yet again.

Silly Mother Hen, acting as if the men of the world need instructions to do these things!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Mother Hen,

I thought I had met the “one,” but he just broke up with me! This was my first love, and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together.  I even moved in with him just a couple of months ago, and now I am on my own again.

I am a mess. I can’t sleep, I’m late on assignments, and just looking at food makes me want to throw up! I burst out crying on the bus today, and everybody was looking at me.woman crying

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day most of the time.

My friends all say I’ll get over it, but I don’t think they understand how great the two of us were together.  Sometimes I’m not sure that they ever liked him, because they try to tell me I am better off without him!

What am I going to do if he doesn’t come back?

Broken-Hearted Girl

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl,

Break-ups are tough, and when it is the first time you don’t even have the experience of knowing that you will get over it. All you know is the pain.
Is it possible that you are in love with the person that you thought he was and wished he was, more than the guy who he turned out to be? Could it have been infatuation, which is a passionate attraction, rather than real love, which is based on trust and respect? Over time you will see the differences more clearly, and see him more clearly as well.
You will grieve this loss, and that is only natural, so be kind to yourself while that process takes place. Treat yourself to non-food things and activities that comfort you (bubble baths, a new book, whatever works for you). Don’t spend too much time alone. Give yourself time to gain perspective, and in the meantime, simply put one foot in front of the other. It will get better.  I promise.

Mother Hen