Posts Tagged ‘Canadian’

Animal Jeopardy

Mother Hen luuuvvves Alex Trebek – mostly because he’s Canadian but also because he has been hosting Jeopardy for absolutely forever, and it’s MH’s favorite game show!

There is just one thing missing to make Jeopardy perfect. There is a college version and a celebrity version and a high school version—but where’s the animal version, for heaven’s sake? Mother Hen would be sure to clean up, what with her experience pushing buttons and her legendary mastery of the Internet.

Here are a few suggestions, in case those game show people need a few hints.

Some eggcellent categories might be:

Animals in Literature – e.g. Animal Farm, The Incredible Journey, Black Beauty, Three Little Pigs, Moby Dick

Four-Legged Stars of Film—eg. Lassie, Morris the Cat, Uggie

Herd Sweet Herd—names of animal groupings

Tracks Without Trains—identify animal footprints

Gone But Not Forgotten—extinct animals

Humans and Their Habitats

Fine Feathered Friends—types of birds

Alex, dear, Mother Hen is ready and waiting for your call!

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Mother Hen Counts Her Blessings

Mother Hen here, keeping the Canadian Thanksgiving (like the truly patriotic chicken that she is) by being thankful. You’re welcome!

Mother Hen is thankful that:

  •  she is not a turkey.
  •  the chicks and their families have come home to Mother’s nest
  • and will be heading back home shortly. One can have too much of a good thing after all.
  •  Father Rooster can still crow in the morning (or afternoon) (or evening) (or whenever).
  •  the truce with the house cats is still holding. Not only do they make bad enemies, as allies they are an amazing source of gossip strategic, top secret intelligence. (Does that make them ally cats?)
  • her coop has a roof, walls, and central heating
  • and satellite TV, courtesy of Farmer Brown (whether he knows it or not)
  • the corn fairy still fills up the bin
  • she has kept her youthful good looks (without a wing lift, she might add!)
  • and can still do a pretty mean chicken dance when occasion demands it.
  •  the San Diego chicken is alive and well (and one of Canada’s own! Take that, Padres!)
  • Winter is still more than 60 days away – technically.
  • the leaves are such pretty colors in fall, and you don’t have to smoke anything funny to see them!
  • chickens don’t have lips – so MH never has to buy Chapstick.
  • vegetarians.
  • Mother Hen is still the world’s foremost typing chicken, last time she bothered to check.
  • Jack Sparrow is back! (Bonus: He is still named after a bird. Way to rock it, Jacko!)
  • you have read her whole blog – and told all your friends how wonderful Mother Hen is! Well you were just about to, right? Same thing!

Mother Hen Discovers America (Doesn’t Have Talent)!

Mother Hen was spending a relaxing evening with her claws up, watching the America’s Got Talent semi-finals with Father Rooster, when a thunderbolt came crashing through the roof of the coop…well, not really, but a startling idea occured to her.

Apparently, America doesn’t have talent!

Now settle your feathers down, Mother Hen does not mean that all the acts on the show lack ability (although the elderly stripper/ magician/comedian was lacking in talent, he was at least amusing in a pathetic sort-of-way). This is not about the contestants. Oh no, this is about the judges!

If America is over-flowing with talented individuals, Mother Hen would like to ask why on earth none of the judges are American!

The newest recruit, famously OCD comedian Mr. Mandel, is Canadian. The lovely but foul-mouthed Mrs. Osbourne, is British.  The dapper and nasty Mr. Piers Morgan was born in England, though apparently for reasons of cultural pride identifies himself as Irish.  No matter, Mother Hen is not inclined to split feathers either way.  The point is, all of the judges on America’s Got Talent hail from somewhere other than America.

Mother Hen being a Canadian bird herself, has nothing against people with Green Cards earning a living in the US of A.  Au contraire, my little chickies! She says if God hadn’t wanted foreigners to work in the US, Columbus would have gone down with his ships in 1492, and Native Americans would be running the place (which wouldn’t have been bad at all, since they didn’t eat chickens until the Europeans turned them into barbarians!). If some rich American ( or Brit) wants to hand over lots of green and all the corn she can eat, Mother Hen would fly the coop and head south for the winter pronto!

No, Mother is simply cackling at the irony of it all, since she absolutely adores irony! Don’t we all?

By the way, Mr. Cowell, if you are reading this — and why not, the man knows a winner when he sees one — and you ever have an opening for a typing chicken on your show, Mother Hen is your gal!