Posts Tagged ‘geese’

Bon Voyage to Mort & Lexi: A Mother Hen Interview

MH: Mother Hen is here at the coop, interviewing travel experts Mort Gander and Lexi Goose, a couple who are preparing for their yearly trip south. Welcome back, Mr. Gander and Ms. Goose!

Lexi: A pleasure as always, Mother Hen.

MH: Where have you been spending your summer?

Lexi: There is a lovely park by the river in London…

MH: London, Ontario, Canada?

Lexi: Well of course, silly. We didn’t fly here all the way from the UK!

MH: Just trying to be clear for our readers.

Lexi: Anyway, it is called Springbank Park. Have you heard of it?

Mort: I didn’t see any bank.

Lexi: It’s over in the plaza, Mort. Anyway, we found a lovely spot under a willow tree…

Mort: About five flaps from the merry-go-round.

Lexi: Mort is fascinated by the merry-go-round.

Mort: It goes around and around and around, and a lady named Merry runs it.

MH: What is involved in getting ready for your big expedition?

Lexi: Well, we log a lot of air time strengthening our wings and practicing our V-shaped flying.

Mort: and we eat like pigs.

Lexi: What Mort means is that we do alter our caloric input in order to provide energy for our strenuous journey south.

Mort: and we eat like pigs.

MH: It must be very difficult to fly in V-formation with only the two of you.

Lexi: We do have to trade off positions more often, obviously.

Mort: We cheat.

Lexi: Mort, we do not “cheat,” for heaven’s sake! We have merely adapted our great tradition to meet our particular needs.

Mort: She means we cheat. A lot.

MH: How exactly do you plan your itinerary?

Mort: Our whatsit?

Lexi: We do like to take the scenic route whenever possible. Last year we found the cutest little B& B in a pond run by a Mallard duck.

Mort: And we hit all the McDonald’s. And Burger-Kings. And White Castles. Don’t forget those.

Lexi: Mort has an unfortunate addiction to fast food.

Mort: Ya, we have to move fast or we’ll be food. Ha!

MH: Hilarious. Are you heading back to Marry-land this year?

Lexi: Of course! Our honey-moon destination! It’s so romantic.

Mort: We don’t have to get married again, do we?

Lexi: Why? Wouldn’t you do it all over again, dear?

Mort: Um…let me think about that.

This concludes Mother Hen’s interview with…ahem… devoted couple and avid tourists Mort Gander and Lexi Goose.

Postscript: Postscript: This is Mother Hen’s close friend, Jodi. Springbank Park in London is home to what seems like a million geese in the summer. There is a merry-go-round in the park  but to the best of our knowledge it is not operated by anyone named Merry.

Mother Hen’s Interview With Travel Experts Mort & Lexi

MH: Mother Hen is here at the coop, interviewing Mort Gander and Lexi Goose, a couple who have recently returned from an extended vacation in the United States. Welcome!

Lexi: Pleased to be here, Mother Hen

Mort: Likewise.

MH: Now, you are both Canada geese…

Lexi: A proud Canadian born and bred!

Mort: Ditto

MH: True patriots, that’s wonderful…but you are not only Canadian geese, you are Canada geese.

Lexi: Do you need to see our passports? Is this customs?

Mort: We have nothing to declare. Absolutely nothing!

MH: I just meant your breed is…

Lexi: Branta canadensis

Mort: Me too!

MH: I see. Anyway, tell us about your vacation!

Lexi: We were in a place called Marry-land. It seemed like the right destination after we got hitched, and we have been going there every winter since.

Mort: Nice wetlands.

Lexi: Not far from Washington D.C.

Mort: We made a point of stoppping to poop on the White House lawn.

Lexi: Mort!

Mort: Well we did.

MH: How was your trip home?

Lexi: The bad news is that it was terribly windy and rainy this year, so we had to make a lot of stops.

MH: And the good news?

Lexi: We visited many fascinating locales on the way, such as Frilly…

Mort: I pooped on the Liberty Bell.

Lexi: Mort, you didn’t!

Mort: Yup.

MH: And where else did you stay along the way?

Lexi: We spent a night at Leave-land, on the roof of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Mort: But we didn’t see Elvis. Bummer!

Lexi: No, but we could totally understand why that city is called Leave-land, because after that we left land for a long time.

MH: Oh, you crossed Lake Erie!

Lexi: It was kind of eerie, now that you mention it. Lots of fog…

Mort: Lots and lots

MH: Now I understand you are operating a B & B behind a big box furniture store in London, Ontario.

Lexi: Our little pond is very popular with ducks…

Mort: It’s a puddle.

Lexi: It was where we met, in springtime.

Mort: That’s the only time it has water.

Lexi: Mort, I’m trying to advertise here!

MG: So what you are saying is that your business is a seasonal destination.

Lexi: Precisely

MH: So where to now?

Lexi: Mort and I love the Muskokas.

Mort: Plenty of rich folks there. They have great garbage.

Lexi: Please Mort! We do not eat garbage!

Mort: Well, maybe you don’t, Ms. Fussypants! Then we can aim at their big fat powerboats…

Lexi: Mort has issues with authority.

MH: You think?

This concludes Mother Hen’s interview with devoted couple and avid tourists Mort Gander and Lexi Goose.

Postscript: This is Mother Hen’s close friend, Jodi. This post is partially based in fact.  There are a pair of Canada geese who return each spring to a large puddle behind the Leon’s Furniture store in London, Ontario, Canada, and we dubbed them Mort & Lexi .