Posts Tagged ‘gossip’

Gossip, Garbage and Garage Sales: Mother Hen Style

Mother Hen hates gossip. Really she does – especially when it’s about her!

So when Gwennie Hennie told Chipper Chicken that Henny Penny said Barbie Birdie criticized Mother Hen’s nestkeeping, it was game on, girls!

How was MH to maintain her stellar reputation if other chickies spread malicious caca (not just caca, mind you, but malicious caca!) around the pen?  How could she keep her lily-white feathers unbesmirched when nasty rumors are floating around like fluff in the breeze?

MH considered getting even, she is pained to admit, but that was unworthy of her famous dignity and self-composure.  Besides, if Missy Chick found out she would die of shame, right before she informed all the other chicklets about what her Mama had done. Darn that texting anyway!

No, there was only one solution. Mother Hen organized a yard sale.

Her clearing out the coop project was simply not staying far enough ahead of the chicken wire express, you see. Not that there was any truth to the slanderous scuttlebutt making the rounds, mind you. Not at all! There was just a little excess…clutter to redistribute. What better way to redistribute clutter than to foist it on one’s neighbors!

Junior Rooster was equipped with paint and cardboard to make signs. Missy Chick was entrusted with sticker sticking. Father Rooster agreed to crow an announcement right after he finished gargling for his sore throat. Mother Hen sat back with a hot tea and some popcorn to strategize. Someone had to think up appropriate pricing, or the other lady hens might think that there was only junk for sale.

Finally the momentous day arrived.

The Coop Family made six kernels of corn, two rusty pennies, and a small sheet of tin that Father R. is sure he can use somehow.  The coop is covered in paint, sticker backing, leftover buttered popcorn, and a generous beak-full of mouthwash, which FR spewed after Junior asked him what a tampon was. (There was an ad on the back of a cardboard sign.) However, the whole family lost a prodigious amount of weight hauling the “merchandise” outside and back in again.

Mother Hen has a sneaking suspicion the hens are chattering again.

Rumors and Conspiracy Theories Mother Hen Would Like to Start

It seems as if every time Mother Hen turns around and she turns around quite a bit (in order to stay comfy on her nest), there is some wingnut out there promoting some ridiculous rumor about President Mr. Obama’s faith/birthplace/education or how you can buy a penguin online. Mother doesn’t like to brag, but you won’t catch chickens buying that nonsense! Nope! It’s people every time.

Mother H. finds herself tempted to test the true gullibility capacity of the human race by starting a few whoppers of her own. After all, what else does a chicken have to do on a Saturday night? 

Here are a few rumors and/or conspiracy theories that Mother would like to make the rounds, if in fact she would do such a nefarious thing, which of course she would never well it is highly unlikely …which you never heard here.

  • Hillary Clinton is just in it for the frequent flyer points.
  • Has anyone seen Sarah Palin’s high school diploma? Anyone?
  • Terrorists are planning to turn off Niagara Falls. 
  • Eating moldy cheese will cure erectile dysfunction.
  • Wind turbines are really mind control devices. Don’t look at them directly, and you will be okay!
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger is planning to crown himself Emperor of California just as soon as an earthquake causes the state to separate from the US mainland.
  • Guantanamo Bay prisons are really faked by Castro to make Americans look bad.
  • Glen Beck is an illegal alien…from Mars.
  •  Stephen Colbert posts on Twitter are encoded messages to Vladimir Putin. 
  • Email Mother Hen’s URL to 100 of your closest friends or your computer will blow up! (Remember, that’s

As a further public service, Mother H. would like to remind people that all rumors, conspiracy theories, chain emails, urban legends, and appeals for donations can be checked out at

Please, for the sake of all that is rational, before you pass along any shocking, heart-rending, or politically/racially/religiously controversial reports, go see the good folks at Snopes who strive to investigate every story that is kicking around and determine if it is true, false, or a bit from both camps. Mother Hen’s inbox will thank you!

Now for something completely different, but hilarious! Mother Hen says watch this video!