Posts Tagged ‘heart’

True Love According to Mother Hen

Oh, romance! You experience the thrill of a first embrace, the sweet nothings in one’s ear, and then the divorce lawyer’s bill (and when your lawyer is a goose that makes for an especially big bill).

Mother Hen is a bit jaded, you think? Not in the least – Mother is a romantic from the top of her comb to the bottom of her claws! However, she does know the difference between infatuation and lasting love, my dears, and she will be ever so pleased to share it with you.

Infatuation is thumping hearts, sexual tension, and anxiety over whether you are loved.

True love makes sacrifices. If he doesn’t pitch in when it is time to muck out the coop, or never misses a cockfight to be with you, it isn’t love.

True love shows respect. If he crows out insulting names at you,  even as so-called jokes, it isn’t love. If you can’t respect him because stuff he does disappoints or disgusts you, it isn’t love.

True love shows trust. If he always needs to know how many eggs in your nest, or whose coop you were visiting, or how many times you emailed the egg collector, it isn’t love. If you keep worrying about whether some other chick is warming his nest tonight, it’s not love.

True love is appreciative. If you aren’t the presidents of each other’s fan club, it isn’t love.

True love puts the beloved first. If he hops when his momma says hop, you will never have first place in his heart. If Daddy’s opinion is still his little chick’s first consideration, she isn’t ready to love you unconditionally.

Let Mother Hen recap, please. If you have mutual unselfishness, respect, trust, and appreciation in a relationship, and demonstrate that you are willing to put each other first, odds are that you have a lasting love. If you are both sure that you are sure that you are sure that its love…well, Mother thinks you might be on to something!

Hormones and chemistry are all very well and good, but they won’t get you through Junior Rooster’s three day stomach flu, or the coop roof leaking, or any of the other hazards of everyday life. What if he loses all his feathers or she can’t lay eggs anymore? True love will see the two of you through difficult times, because love is about what is on the inside, not circumstances or looks or illness.

“Love,” as they used to say, ”is a many splendord thing.” Once you find the real article, you will never settle for a counterfeit again! If you are wondering whether you have found the one, stop – because you haven’t. Trust Mother Hen, when you find true, lasting love, you won’t have any doubt about it!

(This blog is dedicated to Father Rooster, who never leaves MH in any doubt that she is the luckiest chick in the world!)

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Empty Arms

Dear Mother Hen,

Until last summer our life was almost perfect. I wish that I had realized how great it really was back then. We had a beautiful eight-year-old daughter with her father’s curly red hair, and a lively four-year-old boy who wore pants out at the knees as fast as we could buy them.

In June, Emily started to complain of headaches. We gave her some children’s  Tylenol, put cold cloths on her forehead, and thought nothing much of it at first. When she began to wake up screaming in the night, I booked an appointment with our pediatrician.

This turned out to be the first of many visits to doctors’ offices. When all the tests were run and the MRI came back, they told us that Em had a brain tumor. By this time she was throwing up every day, and in such misery it broke my heart. We agreed to surgery. I was so terrified that day that I was throwing up too, running to the bathroom then running back in case I missed any news.

It was cancer. Emily  had both radiation and chemotherapy, and she was so brave. She turned out to be stronger than me. The first day she woke up with some of her gorgeous red hair sticking to her pillow,  I broke down and cried my heart out.

My sweet little girl told me, “It’s okay, Mom. Really, I don’t mind,” and I bawled even harder.

We lost her at the end of August. Emily was buried in a white sateen dress that she was supposed to wear to my sister’s wedding just a couple of  weeks earlier. Her curls were just beginning to grow back,  and they surrounded her head like a halo.  When they closed her casket, I thought my legs were going to give out.

I try to be strong for my son, but I walk around like a zombie most of the time. I know that he needs me, but my heart just isn’t in it any more.

Her birthday was in April, but she is never going to turn nine. I was a mess all that day. My husband tries to be supportive, but he deals with it by throwing himself into his job more than ever.

 I am already dreading the day in August that will be a year since she left us. How am I ever going to get through this? I miss my baby girl so much!

 Dear Mom with Empty Arms,

I am so sorry for all that you have been through with Emily’s illness and death.  There is no pain like that of watching your child suffer, and then having to go on without her. I understand, because I am also a mother with empty arms. My son had cystic fibrosis, and we said good-bye to  him six years ago.

 Losing a child is like having a limb amputated. You will never be the same, ever, but as you go along you get better at coping. We just have to try to live our lives in honor of our wonderful children who are no longer with us.

 Somehow, we survive from one day to the next, until we get “used” to the pain, that dull ache that is always there. Eventually, you catch yourself smiling at a precious memory, or you realize that you haven’t cried for a day or two. We go on, for those we love who still need us, and because that is what you do. You find a new “normal.”  

Give your son what you can, and enlist others to help take care of him. You are emotionally exhausted, so being kind to yourself! When you are attentive to your own needs, and take care of your son’s mother , you are also taking care of him.

 There is no doubt that certain dates, like your daughter’s birthday or  the anniversary of her death, will be particularly hard. Some of us look through photo albums and cry. Some go away for the day and plan something special.  You may wish to visit your daughter’s grave with flowers, or even have a spa day if it makes you feel better. There is no single  correct way to grieve. Whatever makes the day more meaningful or bearable for you is what is right.

You ask, “How am I ever going to get through this?” You do it one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, then a day, then two, until finally you realize that life is going on for you, and it’s okay.

Our love for our children will never die. We are not going to forget. We are not going to get over it. We will, however, because of love, go on anyway. Life still needs us here, so we will find a way.

In memory of Emily,  Darren and all of our dear children, let’s live fully every day. They have taught us what a precious thing life really can be.

Mother Hen

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Mother Hen,

I thought I had met the “one,” but he just broke up with me! This was my first love, and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together.  I even moved in with him just a couple of months ago, and now I am on my own again.

I am a mess. I can’t sleep, I’m late on assignments, and just looking at food makes me want to throw up! I burst out crying on the bus today, and everybody was looking at me.woman crying

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day most of the time.

My friends all say I’ll get over it, but I don’t think they understand how great the two of us were together.  Sometimes I’m not sure that they ever liked him, because they try to tell me I am better off without him!

What am I going to do if he doesn’t come back?

Broken-Hearted Girl

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl,

Break-ups are tough, and when it is the first time you don’t even have the experience of knowing that you will get over it. All you know is the pain.
Is it possible that you are in love with the person that you thought he was and wished he was, more than the guy who he turned out to be? Could it have been infatuation, which is a passionate attraction, rather than real love, which is based on trust and respect? Over time you will see the differences more clearly, and see him more clearly as well.
You will grieve this loss, and that is only natural, so be kind to yourself while that process takes place. Treat yourself to non-food things and activities that comfort you (bubble baths, a new book, whatever works for you). Don’t spend too much time alone. Give yourself time to gain perspective, and in the meantime, simply put one foot in front of the other. It will get better.  I promise.

Mother Hen