Posts Tagged ‘iPod’

Mother Hen and Other Angry Birds

 Is Mother Hen an Angry Bird, or is she merely an angry bird?

For the other five of you who, like MH until recently, do not know about Angry Birds, Mother H. is quite happy to fill you in, because it makes her feel all superior. (Honesty is one of  Mother Hen’s many outstanding characteristics, if she must say so herself.)

Angry Birds is an app, as in application, as in “I have an iPhone and you don’t. So there!”

Better yet it is a game app, the most popular one around, so now that Mother Hen has it, she is totally cool. Uh huh. At least until next week, so she’s milking it for all it’s worth.

Here’s the thing. The object is to catapult various birdlike creatures at these green pigs and make the piggies explode, which would be great except for the part where the birds blow up too.

There is a cute little blue bird that turns into three little blue birds when you touch her in mid-air. How does she do that? Three Mother Hens would get the coop cleaned in no time!

Then there is a bigger yellow bird who gets faster and stronger when you touch him,  a medium red bird that doesn’t do anything exciting and a bomb-shaped black bird that explodes when you touch him or when he lands, whichever happens first.

A big white bird drops egg-bombs from the sky that obliterate things, or at least they do if you hit them dead on. I’m sure the nice app people are fixing that tiny detail, because it would be so amazing if an egg-bomb could totally wipe-out those sick-looking pigs without the trouble of having to be so freaking accurate. If you were playing with a beak instead of with fingers, you would completely understand the principle here.

There might be more birds up ahead, like kilt-wearing birds or purple paintball birds or pooping birds (which would be totally awesome, wouldn’t it?), but if there is please don’t tell Mother H. because that would be such a spoiler.

You are all such lovely, devoted readers, so she is sure that you would never do such a thing, but just in case, remember, Mother Hen has connections to some real-life angry birds who could cover your cars with caca faster than you can let your dogs out. She’s just sayin’.

The question keeping MH up at nights is this: are those white, egg-laying birds chickens?

You’ve been wondering the same thing, haven’t you?

The blue birds look a lot like bluebirds, and the bomb birds look like crows, the red birds look like robins and the yellow birds looks like…maybe big canaries?

You do see the conundrum, right? If the Angry Birds are mutant critters out of some drug-addled programmer’s brain, then hey, bombs away!

If however, Angry Birds are meant to be honest-to-goodness real lifelike birdies going splat on impact, well then this is a moral outrage! Call PETA, start Facebook petitions, and inform Bob Barker, for heaven’s sake!

Next thing you know, there will be an app where we all club seals, and then they’ll be killing people in these things too! You wait and see. You guys are next!

The house cats have been telling Mother Hen that she should be flattered that the most famous app in the whole entire world features chickens, but then MH has always had a sneaking suspicion that they don’t really like birds very much anyway. Both cats reassure Mother that they love birds, but the way that they lick their chops when they say that makes her nervous.

What do you think, dear chicks? Should Mother Hen be an angry bird, or should she be an Angry Bird? Anyone?

Downloading Dilemma

My iPodDear Mother Hen,

I take my iPod everywhere. It is practically my BFF! I love my tunes so much, but I read somewhere that you’re not supposed to download songs for free. What’s up with that?

I am only a teenager with a part-time McJob. There is no way I could pay for all my music, so I don’t think it’s fair that some adults out there want to charge us for stuff that we can get for nothing!  Besides, everybody else does it, so what difference does it make?  I’m sure iTunes isn’t going to fold up and die if I don’t use their site, and I don’t see how come they should have my money.

I’m going to keep downloading from the free sites, but I feel just a little guilty about it. I’m not doing anything wrong, right?

Downloading Diva

Dear Downloading Diva,

Here’s what’s up with downloading songs for free.

1.  File sharing copyrighted material is illegal.

I thought I would mention this first, because it ought to matter. True, it is not like a police officer will show up at your door to arrest you or give you a ticket or anything, but that is only because they can’t track you down…yet. You asked about what is right and wrong though, and disobeying the law is wrong, plain and simple.

If there are laws against something, generally it is because someone will get hurt if you do it. Who gets hurt by free downloading ?

2.  Artists get ripped off.

When you don’t pay, guess who doesn’t get paid? Those bands, vocalists, and songwriters that you say you love so much, get nada for their work.  How would you feel if you didn’t get paid for the work you do at your job? I bet that you wouldn’t like it much.

You state that you don’t think it’s fair for you to have to pay for your music because you don’t have a lot of money. Does not having much money make it alright to go into the variety store and lift a pocketful of candy bars? (I hope that your mother raised you right and you said no!)

Downloading music without paying is stealing. That is all there is to it.

3.  It does make a difference.

Let’s say that you have about two thousand songs on your iPod. At ninety-nine cents a tune that comes to $1,980. (Now you are sure you can’t afford it, right?) Think of it this way though. You have taken away almost $2,000 dollars out of the music industry. If every single student in your chemistry class did that (and maybe they do), that would be around $69,300.

There is a lot of controversy about how much money the music industry is losing to file sharing, because if those who download for free had to pay, obviously they would download less, so exact dollar figures are hard to come by. There is no doubt though that they would still be paying for a lot more music than they are now, right? If you and your friends had to pay for your music,  you might have less on your iPods, but more money would go into the music business.

4.   Why should you care?

Reason # 1  Jobs!  There are a many people who depend on the recording industry for their income, and less money going in means fewer jobs for those people.

Reason # 2  Less money means fewer new acts are discovered. Your next favorite band might never get a break if there are fewer talent scouts and auditions.

Reason #3  Making music is hard work, and people should be paid for their work, especially when they are people whose music you love and adore.

Mother Hen realizes that it is tough being a teenager with limited means, but she is not going to tell you it is okay to steal. If you continue to download free music, then she thinks that you probably ought to feel at least a little guilty.  If you don’t pay the price, that’s the price you have to pay.

Mother Hen