Posts Tagged ‘Lady Gaga’

Mother Hen Brings in 2012!

Mother Hen wishes all of her chicks the happiest New Year in 2012!

Hope you all had a lovely New Year’s Eve watching the egg drop on New Year’s Clucking Eve with Ryan Seagull and Dick Bark! Apparently Lady BaBa was on in a scandalous outfit with almost no wool (as expected) and Justin Beaver thrilled all the little chicklets by touching their itty-bitty wings with his paw. What a young heartbreaker he is, and Canadian too! Ahh, if Mother Hen was still a wee chick…

MH is glad all the Coop Family are safe and warm in the coop, as the first serious snowstorm of the season has arrived. For those of you living in sunnier climes, this means that if you go outside without a heavy jacket on your will lose half your feathers and be covered in gooseflesh! Have you ever been in a walk-in freezer? Add a large fan throwing ice pellets at your beak, and you are starting to get the idea.

MH can just barely make out where the barn is when she looks out the coop window because of all the blowing snow. It is a good day to stay home, pop some corn, and have some hot chocolate or tea.

Mother Hen Poses a Question

 Lady GaGa (on American Idol) and Cruella Deville  

 Separated at Birth????


The “Next Big Thing”

 Naturally, Mother Hen is a little bit country, but she is also more than a little bit rock and roll, baby!

In fact, MH appreciates a wide variety of musical styles, although she does have a strict policy on quality control, which Missy Hen and Junior Rooster have not yet come to appreciate.  Snoop Hoggy Hog has no business fouling up the Coop, thank you very much!

In all genres of music a phenomenon occurs regularly that has bemused MH for…let’s not mention how many years.  Periodically the media ponders the profound question: who will be the “next big thing?”

Fair enough. After all, a huge amount of time, effort and cash goes into seeking out fresh talent (hello, American Idol!) despite the incredible proliferation of the untalented (American Idol, again). Finding the goose that might potentially lay that golden album is an incredible challenge given the large number of folks with at least one tin ear apiece.

What gives Mother Hen the chuckles are the vast number of chuckleheads who think that the next big thing will look a lot like the last big thing.

Let us take a little wander through modern musical history, shall we?

Having searched for the next Frank Sinatra, how astonished the scouts must have been to find out his name was Elvis. While everyone was looking for a sophisticated crooner, instead the next big thing was a hillbilly singing rock and roll like he was born in Harlem. Go figure.

While everyone was wondering who could ever fill Mr. Presley’s shoes, how startled were the experts when” he” turned out to be a “they”? The Beatles blew in from the UK in the 60s on the wave of the British Invasion (since every talent-seeking exec promptly boarded the earliest flight over the pond to find “the next Beatles”), but surpassed all the other subjects of Her Majesty thanks to the combined songwriting genius of Lennon and McCartney.

Well, who on earth could follow the lads from Liverpool, really? Surely not some rhinestone rocker with foot-high platforms who swung both ways? Nobody saw Elton John coming, though in retrospect with those outfits how could we all have missed him? (Mother Hen was particularly fond of his feather couture.)  Attention-getting costumes aside, Sir Elton’s tunes, both fun and thoughtful, sometimes simultaneously, have ruled the airwaves for four decades.

Nor were any of us thinking that a pint-sized kiddie leading a band of brothers would grow up to be the King of Pop.  Michael Jackson had been there all along, yet he burst on the scene with a fresh approach to the Motown sound and music videos as if he’d come out of nowhere. MJ’s Thriller and military-style jackets, glitter glove and Moonwalk became iconic, and though the controversy surrounding his later years overshadowed his brilliance for a time, his music has profoundly impacted the world.

So where was the next great man of music to emerge? Although the subject of one’s sexual identity and remarkable fashion choices remained a constant, he turned out to be a she. Madonna shocked her way onto the charts in the 80s with provocative outfits, a “women power” message and her love/hate relationship with the Roman Catholic Church.

Honestly, who would have expected that after these flamboyant acts, a rapper, a white rapper called Eminem, with his hoodies and knit hats and dark looks, would become a superstar? For that matter, was anyone figuring that rap and hip-hop would be the new major genre to change the music industry?  Talking crossed with poetry combined with singing has changed the way even artists of other genres record and perform. Frankly, rap is not Mother Hen’s cup of tea, but that rude man who interrupted Taylor Swift appears to be quite talented. Pity!

Glam and controversy have been revived by the latest phenom, a bizarre but incredibly gifted woman who took on the moniker Lady Gaga. Her peculiar risqué ensembles defy description, while her music pulsates and sparkles like a disco glitter ball. Leading the industry’s charge back into dance tunes, her recordings are more complex and layered than the hits of the 70s. Gaga could never have been foreseen. She could only have been discovered.

Now that our little whirlwind tour is up-to-date, can’t you see the futility of scouring the world for the next Lady Gaga or Madonna or the Beatles or Elvis? Pointless!

Talent comes in all shapes, sizes, genders and formats, fortunately. The next big thing will look nothing like the last big thing, and if that means no more meat dresses, Mother Hen is absolutely fine with that!

The Politics of Bullying

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

What a complete pile of rotting caca!

As Mother Hen contemplates the shameful nastiness that they call campaign ads these days, and the awful news about young people driven to suicide by bullying, she sees a correlation.

Politics is apparently all about bullying. If Politician A calls Politician B a lazy, tax-wasting, unproductive, fat cat with a record as dirty as used kitty litter, Politician B is obliged to then call Politician A a left-wing, terrorist-loving wing-nut who is as squirrelly as a tree-hugging rodent. One wonders if they are also texting insults to each other after school.

When (or perhaps Mother H. should say if) our public officials quit acting like a bunch of snot-nosed punks immature youngsters on the playground, maybe they would get around to campaigning on an actual platform of meaningful policies. MH is still such a cock-eyed optimist at heart!

No wonder, then, that human teenagers have nothing better to do than torture each other in their free time. There must be quite a few senators-in-training striding through the halls of academic institutions these days.

Now how on earth are we to convince the young folks that it is wrong to slander their peers when the so-called leaders of the Western world are flinging more mud than a litter of piglets in spring?

Mother Hen not only denounces the behavior of these over-grown juvenile delinquents  naughty children, she calls on all adult voters to reject all poop-pitching candidates by giving the stinky-handed slimeballs ladies and gentlemen exactly what they deserve: nothing. That’s right – zippo, zilch, zero, nil, nix, nada – no votes for bad-mouthing their opponents, their predecessors, the president, or even Lady Gaga (much as she deserves it)!

Stopping bullies begins at home, or in this case, at Congress. How can you people tell your children to be kind, civil, and respectful of others if you elect muck-raking, reputation-besmirching, character-denigrating men and women to lead your country?

Mother Hen Presents: The Marbles for Vanity Fair Campaign

Mother Hen is completely gobsmacked (otherwise known as utterly astounded).
She never dreamed that she would use that term in connection with herself, but there it is. What, you ask, has brought MH to such a state of shock and incredulity?
Shocker #1  Lady Gaga is on Vanity Fair‘s best dressed list!
Unbelievable! Mother Hen thought that she had seen all the potentially ridiculous displays that modern fashion could devise, but since when does a woman who attends a baseball game with her bra in full view merit a commendation for personal style?
Next Mother supposes that the drug-crazed street-walker look that Gaga sports will be on the racks in the kiddie aisles at Wal-Mart!

 What? It is already there? Excuse Mother Hen while she reaches for her smelling salts!

Beware all motorists! Eyesight reducing Mardi Gras masks will heretofore be worn in all seasons. Exercise extreme caution! Oh wait, Mother Hen forgot — all the car drivers of the world are wearing them as well. Well, Mother can assure you that this is one chicken who will not be caught crossing the road any time soon!

Shocker #2  Lady Gaga is not only on Vanity Fair‘s best dressed list, she is on the COVER of the Best Dressed Edition.

The only thing saving Mother Hen from a complete apoplectic fit is the amazing irony of it all: Gaga, who is supposedly so well coutured, sports not one apparent stitch of clothing as she poses on the best dressed cover!

The fashionistas at VF have, quite clearly, completely lost their marbles. That being apparent, Mother Hen would like to suggest that we all send them any we can spare, even if just one, in their hour of need.

Address your marbles to:

Mr. Graydon Carter

Editor-in-Chief, Vogue Magazine,

c/o The Conde Nast, Inc.

4 Times Square, 7th Floor,

New York, NY 10o36

Please include a short note explaining why his fashion editors are in need of your marbles (as if it isn’t obvious enough!).

Thank you for supporting this worthy cause!

Yours sartorially,

Mother Hen

UPDATE:  Tee-hee-hee!!! Lady Gaga wore a meat dress to the VMAs!!! Now Vanity Fair really does have egg on its collective faces!!!! Keep those marbles coming people — the fashionistas at VF are in dire need!

Mother Hen Goes Gaga!!!

 Mother Hen tries to be a hip, with-it chick, or whatever it is that they call it these days.

She has survived mini-skirts so short one dared not drink from a school water fountain, lest all the boys see the fountain of youth, endured the agony of repeatedly spraining her delicate ankles falling off of six-inch platform shoes, and even participated in dying her little rooster’s feathers a delightful shade of Smurf blue. She may be an old Mother, but she danced the Hustle with the best of them back in her day.

Many of the unfortunate but hysterically amusing trends MH has observed have since been replicated over time, some becoming positively redundant in their refusal to disappear. She disdainfully refers to the annual re-introduction of the nautical look in spring, plaid patterns in the fall, and animal print fabrics in the winter, as examples of bad trends gone worse through over-use. (Take a hint, fashion mavens!)

Another sad but true reality, is that when an original voice, a true innovator, passes either from public view, or onto that great catwalk in the sky, imitators abound. Mother Hen would calmly and patiently like to explain to subsequent generations that there will only ever be one Coco Chanel, one Marilyn Monroe, and one Audrey Hepburn. Now get busy finding your own icons, you little imposters, and leave ours alone! There, Mother feels much better.

 Similarly, once a great entertainer has reached the vertigo-inducing heights of stardom, then begins to “jump the shark,” as it were, the search for the next great whosit begins. Who will be the next Elvis, the next John Lennon, the next Michael Jackson….well, no one, you silly geese!* If the next big thing was like the last big thing, it would only be the next small thing.

Having gone all the way around for a shortcut, this brings Mother Hen, sorrowfully, to the subject of Lady Gaga. The blasphemous Roman Catholic references, skimpy attire, provocative dancers…hmm, where has Mother Hen seen this all before?

Let Mother state the plain truth here: Lady Gaga is no Madonna, whom she is most evidently trying to be. This woman might as well have named herself Lady Yadayadayada, she is so completely a reiteration of someone who has gone before her.

Is she talented? Undoubtedly. Original? Not a chance. Does she get a lot of attention from being outrageous? Sigh! Even Mother Hen is compelled to write about her. Need more be said?

Gaga dear, take a little advice from an old chick who has been around the barnyard once or twice. Nobody loves a wannabe. Be yourself, or get a new gig.

*with apologies to fracas