Posts Tagged ‘Republican’

Mother Hen, the Telephone and Mr. Trump

Hello? Mr. Trump sir? Is that you? Mr. Donald Trump, The Apprentice guy?

Yes, it is a great honor. Yes, I understand that you are an extremely busy man.

No, I don’t know Big Bird personally. Do you?  Of course you do…certainly, everyone knows that you know everyone.  Fascinating.

Mother Hen did love your Saturday Night Live appearance in a chicken suit. Very natural. You’re welcome.

Yes, she used to follow The Apprentice avidly. Before, when the candidates really won something. Sure, of course celebrities are much more entertaining. No doubt.

Mr. Trump, Mother Hen called to ask you the question the whole world wants answered.

Oh, were you thinking of running? Well, that should scare a few people!

Democrats? Yes, of course, totally. It should frighten them too.

Actually the question Mother Hen wanted to ask was…

Mr. Obama’s birth certificate? Weren’t you proven wrong about that?

A great victory. Really. When can we expect to see your birth certificate, sir?

No, true, it’s not that there is any suspicion. Your father was born in Germany though?

Just checking.  No, not that there is anything wrong with that. Not at all.

And your marks, sir? Isn’t it true that you were sent off to military school because you got in trouble in the private prep school you attended?

Youthful hijinks. Not relevant. Got that.

Actually, there was one more question. The original one, in fact.  

Get to the point? Right away. Absolutely.

Mr. Trump, are you prepared to provide written documentation that your hair is real?

Mother Hen thought that you would welcome the opportunity to set the record straight.

Sir, you can’t fire someone who has never worked for you.

At this point the phone line inexplicably went dead.

Politics and Chicken Pox

Mother Hen normally avoids “the politics” the way humans avoid the chicken pox, and with good reason. Both are contagious, potentially dangerous, and make people cranky.  Once infected, some even become feverish and unstable. Otherwise sensible, normal-looking folks breakout in spots and arguments all over. Very messy, the both of them, and after all Mother tries to run a clean coop.

However, watching the caca fly over the US of A lately, she is compelled to comment, lest this political plague destroy all semblance of order and good taste, two virtues which Mother Hen holds very dear.

Why is it that the moment the politics virus invades a perfectly lovely conversation, a charming human being turns into Dumbo the elephant or Donkey the Jackass? Apparently, the politics turns people’s brains into mush and puts their tongues into overdrive. This is quite unattractive and tends to get spit on one’s feathers.

Get a grip, people! Take a pill, or an enema, or a toxic cleanse – whatever it takes to get the nasty political bug out of your system, then for heaven’s sake, stay away from other humans with signs of infection! There, doesn’t that feel better? Mother knows best, you see.

Now repeat after Mother Hen:

I shall not, under any circumstances, allow the politics to transform me into a raving maniac.

 I will show respect for others, no matter how wrong I think they are.

 I will by no means stoop to slinging mud, or any other nasty substances, at my fellow Americans, no matter their race, creed, gender, sexual preference, or political affiliation, because it only makes my hands stinky, and because nice and polite is the right way to be.

I will, even if it feels like swallowing cod liver oil, consider the possibility that I might be…actually be…wrong…about some things…maybe.

I will not hate any one, because that is a slippery slope that leads directly into the cow paddies of life.

I will not tell untruths to win an argument, because Mother Hen (or if she is busy clucking elsewhere, my conscience) will track me down and peck me for the rest of my natural life and beyond.

I will not believe everything I hear, since that is the fastest way to acquire and spread the politics, especially if the statement in question comes from an obviously biased source. In fact, I will check my facts before I consider them facts at all.

So help me the Liberty Bell, Plymouth Rock, the Statue of Liberty, the Declaration of Independence, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Now, if you will excuse Mother, she is needed to establish world peace, restore the ozone layer, eradicate other diseases, and feed the poor. She hates to keep Presidents Clinton and Bush, Vice-President Gore, Mr. Gates, and Mr. Bono waiting.