Posts Tagged ‘romance’

The Upcoming Nuptials: Mother Hen’s Take on the Royal Wedding

There once was a lady named Kate

Whose Prince finally set the big date

She kissed him and then

Said “I do “and “Amen”

And she now has a frog for a mate.


Oh, Mother Hen loves a limerick almost as much as a royal wedding! She hasn’t been so chuffed[i] since Princess Di married what’s-his-name…the one with the big ears and the mistress.

Mind you, MH has had a dickens of a time keeping up. There are Will & Kate specials at all hours on the telly[ii].  One can hardly get to the loo[iii] and back without missing some minute detail about what Diana’s flower girl’s nanny thinks about the dress that Kate theoretically possibly maybe could wear.

One magazine with royal photos is hardly in the dustbin[iv] before the postman shoves ten more in the letter box[v], or Mrs. Farmer Brown brings another back from the newsagent[vi].

Anyway, Mother Hen has her smartest[vii] dress ready for the ceremony, her lovely hat is at the ready in her chest of drawers[viii], and a brand new Union Jack[ix] will wave from her wing. Since her invitation failed to arrive on time, MH will have to content herself with viewing the live broadcast. Pity!

Will Will & Kate live happily ever after, or make a complete dog’s breakfast[x] out of this marriage thing like his parents? Mother Hen thinks that Will seems like a decent bloke and Kate a bonny lass, so they seem unlikely to put paid[xi] to their relationship. Really, they seem a jolly couple. No, MH supposes it should all be tickety-boo[xii] from here.

Now, if you will please excuse Mother H., she is ready for a tea-break. She saved some lovely scones to go along with her cuppa[xiii], and she’s feeling a bit peckish[xiv] (which seems especially appropriate for a chicken, don’t you think?).


Mother Hen would like to express her appreciation to The Septic’s Companion: a British slang dictionary for being a reference for this post. Any mistakes or misused terms are MH’s responsibility.

[i] happy; pleased

[ii] TV

[iii] washroom

[iv] garbage; trashcan

[v] mail slot

[vi] newspaper stand; corner store

[vii] most attractive (relates to clothing or appearance in general)

[viii] dresser

[ix] British flag

[x] mess

[xi] put an end to

[xii] going well; in a good state

[xiii] cup of tea

[xiv] hungry

True Love According to Mother Hen

Oh, romance! You experience the thrill of a first embrace, the sweet nothings in one’s ear, and then the divorce lawyer’s bill (and when your lawyer is a goose that makes for an especially big bill).

Mother Hen is a bit jaded, you think? Not in the least – Mother is a romantic from the top of her comb to the bottom of her claws! However, she does know the difference between infatuation and lasting love, my dears, and she will be ever so pleased to share it with you.

Infatuation is thumping hearts, sexual tension, and anxiety over whether you are loved.

True love makes sacrifices. If he doesn’t pitch in when it is time to muck out the coop, or never misses a cockfight to be with you, it isn’t love.

True love shows respect. If he crows out insulting names at you,  even as so-called jokes, it isn’t love. If you can’t respect him because stuff he does disappoints or disgusts you, it isn’t love.

True love shows trust. If he always needs to know how many eggs in your nest, or whose coop you were visiting, or how many times you emailed the egg collector, it isn’t love. If you keep worrying about whether some other chick is warming his nest tonight, it’s not love.

True love is appreciative. If you aren’t the presidents of each other’s fan club, it isn’t love.

True love puts the beloved first. If he hops when his momma says hop, you will never have first place in his heart. If Daddy’s opinion is still his little chick’s first consideration, she isn’t ready to love you unconditionally.

Let Mother Hen recap, please. If you have mutual unselfishness, respect, trust, and appreciation in a relationship, and demonstrate that you are willing to put each other first, odds are that you have a lasting love. If you are both sure that you are sure that you are sure that its love…well, Mother thinks you might be on to something!

Hormones and chemistry are all very well and good, but they won’t get you through Junior Rooster’s three day stomach flu, or the coop roof leaking, or any of the other hazards of everyday life. What if he loses all his feathers or she can’t lay eggs anymore? True love will see the two of you through difficult times, because love is about what is on the inside, not circumstances or looks or illness.

“Love,” as they used to say, ”is a many splendord thing.” Once you find the real article, you will never settle for a counterfeit again! If you are wondering whether you have found the one, stop – because you haven’t. Trust Mother Hen, when you find true, lasting love, you won’t have any doubt about it!

(This blog is dedicated to Father Rooster, who never leaves MH in any doubt that she is the luckiest chick in the world!)

Mother Hen’s Secret Romance

Much as it pains her to admit it, Mother Hen has something to get off of her breast.

Normally, Mother eschews all fads, fanatics, and frenzies in the ardent hope that somehow moderation and good taste will prevail in this world. She has said “ta-ta” to Ga-Ga, “get lost” to Lost, and “Leave it to Bieber” when the dear boy and his cutesy ways make the little girls shriek.

There is now one exception to MH’s diehard rule: she is nutty for Huddy.

Now, MH must confess that she has been a long-time House fan anyway, but not in that cloying, over-the-top, must-see manner with which so many humans approach their favorite programs. No, Mother liked to settle in her nest with a hot drink and dish of corn (occasionally popped) and vicariously suffer no fools gladly along with Dr. Gregory House as much as the next chick, but her evening was not spoiled if company stopped by the coop or the hatchlings weren’t settled on time.

No more! Any critter crazy enough to get between Mother H and her remote on Monday nights is hatchin’ for a scratchin’! Even though House and Cuddy are unfortunately human, now that they are a couple the sparks are going to really fly, and nobody likes a good bonfire more than Mother Hen!

While the sexual innuendo was much less graphic before, and Mother has always found it unmannerly for humans to go around with their feathers off, she can peek through her wing-feathers when necessary and the other hens are none the wiser. The coop does seem to get a little warmer around eight o’clock or so, but that must be MH’s mug of tea hitting her gullet.

The best part is that House is still House, but more vulnerable, and even a little bit happy around the edges. The next best part is that finally there is a love affair on the TV that celebrates a mature couple, which all of us chicks of a certain vintage can appreciate. No, Mother is not claiming that House has suddenly matured – she is not that far gone off her rocker! (Hmmm…a nest with a rocker – what a amazingt idea! MT hopes that she can get a patent online.)

Cudos to Hugh Laurie, who is currently becoming prime-time’s answer to Susan Lucci, and Lisa Edelstein, who gives a restrained but passionate performance, for believably transitioning their characters from the warring House and Cuddy to the fiercely ardent Huddy.  Mother Hen would be remiss not to mention as well the creative genius (a much abused term which is warranted here) of House creator David Shore and his team.  This show has had the courage to confront the usually fatal curse of bringing star-crossed lovers together, and MH believes they have beaten the odds.

So, be fairly warned, do not call, text, knock, or even speak anywhere near Mother Hen on Monday nights between eight and nine o’clock, or you are going to see some feathers fly. MT will be on a hot date with Dr. House, and there will be a do-not-disturb sign on the coop door!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Mother Hen,

I thought I had met the “one,” but he just broke up with me! This was my first love, and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together.  I even moved in with him just a couple of months ago, and now I am on my own again.

I am a mess. I can’t sleep, I’m late on assignments, and just looking at food makes me want to throw up! I burst out crying on the bus today, and everybody was looking at me.woman crying

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day most of the time.

My friends all say I’ll get over it, but I don’t think they understand how great the two of us were together.  Sometimes I’m not sure that they ever liked him, because they try to tell me I am better off without him!

What am I going to do if he doesn’t come back?

Broken-Hearted Girl

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl,

Break-ups are tough, and when it is the first time you don’t even have the experience of knowing that you will get over it. All you know is the pain.
Is it possible that you are in love with the person that you thought he was and wished he was, more than the guy who he turned out to be? Could it have been infatuation, which is a passionate attraction, rather than real love, which is based on trust and respect? Over time you will see the differences more clearly, and see him more clearly as well.
You will grieve this loss, and that is only natural, so be kind to yourself while that process takes place. Treat yourself to non-food things and activities that comfort you (bubble baths, a new book, whatever works for you). Don’t spend too much time alone. Give yourself time to gain perspective, and in the meantime, simply put one foot in front of the other. It will get better.  I promise.

Mother Hen