Posts Tagged ‘TV’

Animal Jeopardy

Mother Hen luuuvvves Alex Trebek – mostly because he’s Canadian but also because he has been hosting Jeopardy for absolutely forever, and it’s MH’s favorite game show!

There is just one thing missing to make Jeopardy perfect. There is a college version and a celebrity version and a high school version—but where’s the animal version, for heaven’s sake? Mother Hen would be sure to clean up, what with her experience pushing buttons and her legendary mastery of the Internet.

Here are a few suggestions, in case those game show people need a few hints.

Some eggcellent categories might be:

Animals in Literature – e.g. Animal Farm, The Incredible Journey, Black Beauty, Three Little Pigs, Moby Dick

Four-Legged Stars of Film—eg. Lassie, Morris the Cat, Uggie

Herd Sweet Herd—names of animal groupings

Tracks Without Trains—identify animal footprints

Gone But Not Forgotten—extinct animals

Humans and Their Habitats

Fine Feathered Friends—types of birds

Alex, dear, Mother Hen is ready and waiting for your call!

Mother Hen Presents…Alcatraz

Ah- ha! Bet you thought Mother Hen wouldn’t review this one!

For the record, MH has very eclectic taste…which means that she will watch just about anything.

Anyway, Alcatraz is this new TV show which is about the Rock – not the movie actor guy, but the prison that they call the Rock because it is on a rock. It’s not your ordinary, garden-variety kind of rock, like a stone or a pebble, so it doesn’t have itsy-bitsy prisoners or anything, which is a shame.

It’s kind of scary and kind of spooky and it’s made by that fella who came up with Lost, which is a whole nother show, so don’t get them confused, which you might because that big man with the pony-tail is in both.

The whole deal with this prison is that it was supposed to have been shut down ages ago, when Mother Hen was a spring chicken and a bunch of beetles made up this band and…not that that makes MH old or anything. The thing is, all these awfully bad men really just disappeared and everyone was told that the prison was closed in order to cover it up, not like with a blanket, but to fool people.

Now the prisoners are all coming back and here’s the spooky part. Are you ready? They aren’t any older than they were when they went missing. Cool, right? Mother Hen would like to know that trick!

Now a pretty detective and the pony-tail guy and a creepy dude who used to be a guard are trying to track these young/old criminals because they are killing people again, not then but now.

There are lots of prisoners and guards who went missing which means the head honchos of the Alcatraz show are all set ( if this thing is a hit) to keep those nasty men coming for years to come.

Mother Hen gives this show four golden eggs, which means why not watch it. It’s pretty good.

Mother Hen Presents…Modern Family

An occasional series in which Mother Hen reviews stuff that she may or may not have seen, heard or read.

Okay, so here’s the deal: there is this family, only it is three families who are really one family. Did Mother Hen mention that this thing is a television show?

First, there is this dad who is married to this sexy Columbian chick and they have a son who is not his son. Who is the real dad of this kid? Nobody knows except Jerry Springer, and he is too busy not being a TV host to talk to Mother Hen right now.

Anyway, this kid Manny is played by a man who looks like a kid but is actually a little person — that is why his name is “Man-ny.” Get it? MH doesn’t either. Wait until the dad who isn’t the dad figures out that he is raising a kid who isn’t a kid. Now that will be one heck of an interesting episode!

Secondly, there is a family named the Dumbfies who have both a mom and a dad and three kids, none of whom are played by little people as far as Mother Hen knows which in this case is not very far.  The mom is the daughter of the dad. No, not this dad, that other dad. This is not a porno, people! It is a modern family show.

The three kids are a teenager chick, a brainiac and a brat, none of whom have super-powers. Since they are the Dumbfies, the parents aren’t as bright as their kids, which is a problem most of the time.

Thirdly, there is a Vietnamese baby girl with two daddies, neither of whom is Vietnamese. How this kid got born is anybody’s guess. One of these dads is uptight and the other is gay. The uptight guy is the son of the dad who is married to the Columbian babe but she is not his mother. It’s complicated.

The critics love this show, and since Mother Hen is a natural critic (all her own modern family tell her so), she loves it too.

She wonders though whether the dark-haired Columbian chick knows that she is not the mother of the blonde mom or the red-headed uptight dad and thus not the grandmother of the four grandchildren, because if not, she will be awfully mad when she does find out. She has a temper problem, so look out for fireworks when she figures it out, which will probably happen on July 4th one of these years.

One of the best things about this show is how normal one feels after watching it. Even your family may seem relative-ly okay!

(This has been a Mother Hen Presents…presentation.)

Mother Hen’s Celebrity Interview

____Volume 1, Issue 1________________________________________March 2011____

The Daily Coop

 All the Poop Mother Hen Could Scoop


Eggstra! Eggstra! Read All About It


Mother Hen’s Eggsclusive Interview With Charlie Sheen’s Pet Rooster

A rare look into the life and times of Chuck Cluck, Mr. Sheen’s pet rooster and personal confidant.

MH: Welcome to the Nest, Mr. Cluck!

CC: Call me Chuck, please! My pleasure, I’m sure! I don’t get out much these days.

MH: No? Why is that, Mr. Chuck?

CC: The papparazzi, my dear, the papparazzi! Since dear Charlie became so popular, I can’t even get on the

roof to crow anymore!

MH: Well it seems Mr. Sheen is doing enough crowing for both of you.

CC: Oh, he is so misunderstood, Ms. Hen! Only the goddesses and I truly realize what a sensitive soul Charlie is!

MH: How so? You mean all the stories of drug use and drunkeness and trashing hotel rooms isn’t true?

CC: No, it’s true, all right. But what the human media miss is how kind he is to chicks and small children.

MH: Chicks like you and…?

CC: No, you know…chicks.

MH: How about his own kids? Apparently he can’t see them anymore because of his outrageous behavior.

CC: Isn’t that tragic?  No wonder the poor man is driven to desperate measures! But he is so generous..

MH: He gives money to charity?

CC: He always shares his stash. By the way, do you know how difficult it is to snort a line when you have a beak?

MH: Not at all. No, no Mr. Chuck please put that away! This is a family newspaper!

Unfortunately, at this point, Mr. Chuck Cluck had to leave for an appointment…something about legal matters,

and the interview was concluded.


Judging the Judges: American Idol Gets the Mother Hen Treatment

Although she is a Canadian chick Mother Hen is a longtime fan of American Idol. Since Canadian Idol bit the snow (not dust) a couple of years ago, she has to get her Idol fix from the States. Such is the condition of entertainment in the Great White North!

There has been a lot of sniveling on the Internet over the departure of Simon Cowell from AI.

“It’s just not the same.”

“Nobody tells it the way it is like Simon.”

“It just isn’t Idol without him!”

Oh, quit your whining, you big babies! The judge you loved to hate would tell you to suck it up and get on with it as well. Simon may have been stuck on himself, but at least he was a realist.

Mother Hen will now set the record straight on how the new panel is performing.

Steven Tyler A-

Well, burn my britches and call me Skippy – American Idol done gone and got themselves a real, honest-to-goodness rock star! It’s official, folks: AI finally got the message that Americans actually like rock and roll! Maybe Elvis isn’t dead after all.

Surprisingly, neither is Mr. Tyler, and, yes, that is a good thing. After spending the better portion of his years on earth swilling, snorting, and shooting up, he is as sober as a judge, or at least an AI judge.

He is also hilarious. Whether he is lifting his shirt and comparing abs with Randy, providing contestants with percussion and backup vocals, or doing deadpan reviews full of insincere compliments, ST has injected (okay, pun intended) the show with great energy and fun.

One definite drawback is Mr. Tyler’s penchant for flirting with every attractive chicklet who sashays across the stage. Note to ST: You may have been a sex god in your day, but you are now 62 and a grandfather. Get over yourself and quit drooling.

Mother Hen realizes that she should subtract points for the nasty f-bombs that Mr. T. regularly chucks into the dialogue, but the cussing is never malicious and after all, is bleeped out.  Between that and how astonished he looks that the F word isn’t acceptable on family TV, for now MT will let him off with a warning.

Jennifer Lopez  A

Ms. J. Lo is a younger, classier and more credible version of the dearly departed Ms. Abdul.* Her initial reluctance to utter the word “No” has gradually faded, and she is showing a capacity for delivering firm but sympathetic “nadas.” When Ms. Lopez’s large Bambi eyes fill with tears, as they are wont to do, it is touching, not cloying and annoying. She truly seems sincere.

Ms. Lopez also has an effortless stage presence that is refreshing. She doesn’t feel the need to try too hard, unlike certain female judges of the past who shall remain nameless (because we all know who they are anyway). Managing to be a celebrity without being a diva is an art form, and Ms. Jenny seems to understand that the real stars of the show are in front of the judges’ table, not behind it.

Mother Hen likes her. Yes, indeedy, she does!

*Yes, Ms. Paula is still alive. Her new TV show? Not so much.

Randy Jackson B+

As the only known quantity left on the American Idol panel, Mr. Jackson should be a comfortably predictable presence for the audience…but it seems to Mother Hen that “The Dawg” is suffering from a bit of an identity crisis this year. No longer the hippest or most qualified judge, Mr. Randy appears to be settling into the traditional role of the man on the right: the meanest. Apparently he has been hanging around Mr. Cowell too long.

Now don’t misunderstand Mother H. Nobody is about to take the title of cruelest man on AI away from Mr. Cowell – not a chance! Still, when she hears proclamations of “Terrible!” and “That was just awful!” coming from that side of the screen, MH misses the lovable guy who used to sit on the left.  Even if he returned to, “I don’t know, dude. It was all over the place for me, man,” it would be an improvement.

Honestly, American Idol doesn’t need a resident meanie. No one could pull off a Simon but Mr. Simon himself, so why try? We still love you, Dawg – just be yourself and it’ll be cool!

The Team

As a group, this panel clicks. There is no tension or underlying hostility. The mood is lighter, and when the judges have more fun, so do we.

Rejected contestants still cry or complain or give the camera the finger. They still think they are the best thing since scrambled eggs and will never give up, no matter what anyone says. One thing is different.  As they rampage out the door, unsuccessful candidates can no longer demonize a certain critical judge. The new panelists are all pretty darn likeable, and that, dear chicks, is a very good thing.

The Dudegate Debate: Mother Hen Weighs In

Poor little Jonny Stewart!

Mr. Jonny is currently the subject of a squawk-fest because he addressed Mr. President Barak Obama as “dude” Thursday on The Daily Show.  The media are all aflutter over this incident, condemning wee Jonny for disrespecting the Commander in Chief.

Dude, they’ve got the issue all wrong!

Mother Hen agrees that there was a problem with Thursday’s show, but disrespect is the least of Jon’s worries. 

For starters, who uses dude anymore?

Mother hasn’t heard that term since Aston Kutcher made “Dude, Where’s My Car?” in 2000. That’s ten years ago people – ten whole years for Mr. Stewart to acquire another chummy catchphrase with which to disrespect the leader of the free world! Say “peep” for instance (one of MH’s favorites), “dawg” which comes in a close second, or even “buddy,” a perennial favorite.

In fact, The Urban Dictionary ( states that dude is ordinarily used by “stoners, surfers, and skaters.” Inquiring chickens want to know: which one are you, Mr. Stewart?

Beyond the dude question there is a much broader consideration. The President arrived armed with jokes, shot off the first volley, and then dominated the “conversation” throughout. It was so bad at one point Jonny whined “It’s just hard not to talk.”

MH agrees that Mr. Stewart was between a rock and a chicken coop. Mother Hen has been there herself from time to time. Interrupting the US President while he is speaking would be a big no-no.

Nevertheless, this is what the man does for a living – this, in fact, is what he gets the big bucks for – keeping celebrities and politicians uncomfortable by peppering them with humorous probing questions. On, Thursday, Mr. Stewart was euchred at what he supposedly does best.

Mother Hen thus poses the humorous probing question: has Jon Stewart and The Daily Show jumped the proverbial shark?  Is he past his due date? Is he in fact turning into…dare she say it…an old fart?

All MH can say is, “Jonny dear, watch your back. You never know when Mr. Conan will be in the market for another job. Oh, and one more thing…never go near a shark. Mother hears that they like to eat TV hosts for breakfast.”

Mother Hen’s Secret Romance

Much as it pains her to admit it, Mother Hen has something to get off of her breast.

Normally, Mother eschews all fads, fanatics, and frenzies in the ardent hope that somehow moderation and good taste will prevail in this world. She has said “ta-ta” to Ga-Ga, “get lost” to Lost, and “Leave it to Bieber” when the dear boy and his cutesy ways make the little girls shriek.

There is now one exception to MH’s diehard rule: she is nutty for Huddy.

Now, MH must confess that she has been a long-time House fan anyway, but not in that cloying, over-the-top, must-see manner with which so many humans approach their favorite programs. No, Mother liked to settle in her nest with a hot drink and dish of corn (occasionally popped) and vicariously suffer no fools gladly along with Dr. Gregory House as much as the next chick, but her evening was not spoiled if company stopped by the coop or the hatchlings weren’t settled on time.

No more! Any critter crazy enough to get between Mother H and her remote on Monday nights is hatchin’ for a scratchin’! Even though House and Cuddy are unfortunately human, now that they are a couple the sparks are going to really fly, and nobody likes a good bonfire more than Mother Hen!

While the sexual innuendo was much less graphic before, and Mother has always found it unmannerly for humans to go around with their feathers off, she can peek through her wing-feathers when necessary and the other hens are none the wiser. The coop does seem to get a little warmer around eight o’clock or so, but that must be MH’s mug of tea hitting her gullet.

The best part is that House is still House, but more vulnerable, and even a little bit happy around the edges. The next best part is that finally there is a love affair on the TV that celebrates a mature couple, which all of us chicks of a certain vintage can appreciate. No, Mother is not claiming that House has suddenly matured – she is not that far gone off her rocker! (Hmmm…a nest with a rocker – what a amazingt idea! MT hopes that she can get a patent online.)

Cudos to Hugh Laurie, who is currently becoming prime-time’s answer to Susan Lucci, and Lisa Edelstein, who gives a restrained but passionate performance, for believably transitioning their characters from the warring House and Cuddy to the fiercely ardent Huddy.  Mother Hen would be remiss not to mention as well the creative genius (a much abused term which is warranted here) of House creator David Shore and his team.  This show has had the courage to confront the usually fatal curse of bringing star-crossed lovers together, and MH believes they have beaten the odds.

So, be fairly warned, do not call, text, knock, or even speak anywhere near Mother Hen on Monday nights between eight and nine o’clock, or you are going to see some feathers fly. MT will be on a hot date with Dr. House, and there will be a do-not-disturb sign on the coop door!

Mother Hen Discovers America (Doesn’t Have Talent)!

Mother Hen was spending a relaxing evening with her claws up, watching the America’s Got Talent semi-finals with Father Rooster, when a thunderbolt came crashing through the roof of the coop…well, not really, but a startling idea occured to her.

Apparently, America doesn’t have talent!

Now settle your feathers down, Mother Hen does not mean that all the acts on the show lack ability (although the elderly stripper/ magician/comedian was lacking in talent, he was at least amusing in a pathetic sort-of-way). This is not about the contestants. Oh no, this is about the judges!

If America is over-flowing with talented individuals, Mother Hen would like to ask why on earth none of the judges are American!

The newest recruit, famously OCD comedian Mr. Mandel, is Canadian. The lovely but foul-mouthed Mrs. Osbourne, is British.  The dapper and nasty Mr. Piers Morgan was born in England, though apparently for reasons of cultural pride identifies himself as Irish.  No matter, Mother Hen is not inclined to split feathers either way.  The point is, all of the judges on America’s Got Talent hail from somewhere other than America.

Mother Hen being a Canadian bird herself, has nothing against people with Green Cards earning a living in the US of A.  Au contraire, my little chickies! She says if God hadn’t wanted foreigners to work in the US, Columbus would have gone down with his ships in 1492, and Native Americans would be running the place (which wouldn’t have been bad at all, since they didn’t eat chickens until the Europeans turned them into barbarians!). If some rich American ( or Brit) wants to hand over lots of green and all the corn she can eat, Mother Hen would fly the coop and head south for the winter pronto!

No, Mother is simply cackling at the irony of it all, since she absolutely adores irony! Don’t we all?

By the way, Mr. Cowell, if you are reading this — and why not, the man knows a winner when he sees one — and you ever have an opening for a typing chicken on your show, Mother Hen is your gal!