Lexi: Pleased to be here, Mother Hen
MH: Now, you are both Canada geese…
Lexi: A proud Canadian born and bred!
MH: True patriots, that’s wonderful…but you are not only Canadian geese, you are Canada geese.
Lexi: Do you need to see our passports? Is this customs?
Mort: We have nothing to declare. Absolutely nothing!
MH: I just meant your breed is…
Lexi: Branta canadensis
Mort: Me too!
MH: I see. Anyway, tell us about your vacation!
Lexi: We were in a place called Marry-land. It seemed like the right destination after we got hitched, and we have been going there every winter since.
Mort: Nice wetlands.
Lexi: Not far from Washington D.C.
Mort: We made a point of stoppping to poop on the White House lawn.
Mort: Well we did.
MH: How was your trip home?
Lexi: The bad news is that it was terribly windy and rainy this year, so we had to make a lot of stops.
MH: And the good news?
Lexi: We visited many fascinating locales on the way, such as Frilly…
Mort: I pooped on the Liberty Bell.
Lexi: Mort, you didn’t!
MH: And where else did you stay along the way?
Lexi: We spent a night at Leave-land, on the roof of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Mort: But we didn’t see Elvis. Bummer!
Lexi: No, but we could totally understand why that city is called Leave-land, because after that we left land for a long time.
MH: Oh, you crossed Lake Erie!
Lexi: It was kind of eerie, now that you mention it. Lots of fog…
Mort: Lots and lots
MH: Now I understand you are operating a B & B behind a big box furniture store in London, Ontario.
Lexi: Our little pond is very popular with ducks…
Mort: It’s a puddle.
Lexi: It was where we met, in springtime.
Mort: That’s the only time it has water.
Lexi: Mort, I’m trying to advertise here!
MG: So what you are saying is that your business is a seasonal destination.
MH: So where to now?
Lexi: Mort and I love the Muskokas.
Mort: Plenty of rich folks there. They have great garbage.
Lexi: Please Mort! We do not eat garbage!
Mort: Well, maybe you don’t, Ms. Fussypants! Then we can aim at their big fat powerboats…
Lexi: Mort has issues with authority.
MH: You think?
This concludes Mother Hen’s interview with devoted couple and avid tourists Mort Gander and Lexi Goose.
Postscript: This is Mother Hen’s close friend, Jodi. This post is partially based in fact. There are a pair of Canada geese who return each spring to a large puddle behind the Leon’s Furniture store in London, Ontario, Canada, and we dubbed them Mort & Lexi .