Mother Hen’s Interview With Travel Experts Mort & Lexi

MH: Mother Hen is here at the coop, interviewing Mort Gander and Lexi Goose, a couple who have recently returned from an extended vacation in the United States. Welcome!

Lexi: Pleased to be here, Mother Hen

Mort: Likewise.

MH: Now, you are both Canada geese…

Lexi: A proud Canadian born and bred!

Mort: Ditto

MH: True patriots, that’s wonderful…but you are not only Canadian geese, you are Canada geese.

Lexi: Do you need to see our passports? Is this customs?

Mort: We have nothing to declare. Absolutely nothing!

MH: I just meant your breed is…

Lexi: Branta canadensis

Mort: Me too!

MH: I see. Anyway, tell us about your vacation!

Lexi: We were in a place called Marry-land. It seemed like the right destination after we got hitched, and we have been going there every winter since.

Mort: Nice wetlands.

Lexi: Not far from Washington D.C.

Mort: We made a point of stoppping to poop on the White House lawn.

Lexi: Mort!

Mort: Well we did.

MH: How was your trip home?

Lexi: The bad news is that it was terribly windy and rainy this year, so we had to make a lot of stops.

MH: And the good news?

Lexi: We visited many fascinating locales on the way, such as Frilly…

Mort: I pooped on the Liberty Bell.

Lexi: Mort, you didn’t!

Mort: Yup.

MH: And where else did you stay along the way?

Lexi: We spent a night at Leave-land, on the roof of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Mort: But we didn’t see Elvis. Bummer!

Lexi: No, but we could totally understand why that city is called Leave-land, because after that we left land for a long time.

MH: Oh, you crossed Lake Erie!

Lexi: It was kind of eerie, now that you mention it. Lots of fog…

Mort: Lots and lots

MH: Now I understand you are operating a B & B behind a big box furniture store in London, Ontario.

Lexi: Our little pond is very popular with ducks…

Mort: It’s a puddle.

Lexi: It was where we met, in springtime.

Mort: That’s the only time it has water.

Lexi: Mort, I’m trying to advertise here!

MG: So what you are saying is that your business is a seasonal destination.

Lexi: Precisely

MH: So where to now?

Lexi: Mort and I love the Muskokas.

Mort: Plenty of rich folks there. They have great garbage.

Lexi: Please Mort! We do not eat garbage!

Mort: Well, maybe you don’t, Ms. Fussypants! Then we can aim at their big fat powerboats…

Lexi: Mort has issues with authority.

MH: You think?

This concludes Mother Hen’s interview with devoted couple and avid tourists Mort Gander and Lexi Goose.

Postscript: This is Mother Hen’s close friend, Jodi. This post is partially based in fact.  There are a pair of Canada geese who return each spring to a large puddle behind the Leon’s Furniture store in London, Ontario, Canada, and we dubbed them Mort & Lexi .


2 responses to this post.

  1. […] post by jedwardswright This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. ← Daughter Of Mine […]


  2. […] you may have noticed, recently Mother Hen has been dreadfully busy pursuing her career. What with interviews, reviews and the occasional press conference (okay, only one…but it was very important), MH has […]


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